Coming of Age
by Salome Sensei
Summary: A Sesshoumaru/adultRin romance novella. Now grown, Rin demands Sesshoumaru's amorous attentions. Will she regret it? See first chapter for detailed info on the story's history. Adults only, please.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: _Coming of Age _is a Sesshoumaru/adult Rin romance novella. I composed all 13 chapters between February and March 2008 and published them here as individual stories (single or multichapter) in what I called a "story arc," because I was unfamiliar with the site or fanfic (having only written original erotica and a bit of Star Trek slash in past). I got many wonderful reviews and hits that did my fangirl heart good, and I am grateful for them still. Nonetheless, I've decided to repost the novella as a single chapter fic. For posterity, let me note the former structure: Chapter 1 (originally "Coming of Age"); Chapters 2-6 (originally "At Your Command, Sesshoumaru-sama"); Chapter 7 (originally "Nocturne"); and Chapters 8-13 (originally "Withholding").

I have kept most original chapter notes and changes in spelling (adding the "u" for the long "o" in Japanese along the way, for example).

Also, "The Mokomoko Touch" and "Offering" remain separate fics on this site, as they are side adventures within the post-canon universe I create here.

FYI: _New Beginnings_ is a second novella, continuing from where _Coming of Age_ (formerly the last chapter of "Withholding") leaves off, where an evil, possessed sword leads to Sesshoumaru's unintentional betrayal of Rin. Will he (with the help of a drunken monk and the rest of the Inutachi) find his way back to her and earn her forgiveness before she kills him?

**Warnings: _Coming of Age_ is M rated. Adult situations and sexuality in most chapters. Don't read if you're not of legal age, please.  
**

Thanks for reading the long header, and I hope you enjoy the story.

Coming of Age

Chapter 1

"Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin called out, seeing her silent and noble Lord approach in the evening twilight. She fell to her knees and bowed low before him, her long raven hair tumbling around her in the soft grass. It might never grow as long and thick as her master's, she knew, but since the day Lord Sesshomaru had brought her back to the world of the living and given her safety and purpose, she had never cut it. There were many times Jaken had threatened to do so, of course, for only recently had she begun to keep it properly washed and brushed, but the blustery little green yokai had never followed through with his threats. She would simply wrap her arms around him and tell him how devoted she was to his wisdom and love, and he would bluster, scoff, smile, and tell her to cook dinner or practice with her staff. Now, at eighteen (the age she considered herself, though she could not remember a precise birth date or year), the thick black mass fell nearly to her waist. Most of the time, she left it free, framing her pointed face and angular shoulders, though when training, she tied it neatly back with a thong at the nape of her neck and tossed it over her back. She loved the heavy feel of it, the way it hung behind her or veiled her eyes when she wished it. It was comforting, and it made her feel powerful—the way Sesshomaru looked from behind as his shining silver mane blazed in the sunlight and glowed in the moonlight. She had spent most of her life studying that back, that hair. She smiled at herself from under her curtain of her own tresses. _Foolish girl_, she thought, _it is not Sesshomaru's hair that makes him powerful_.

By contrast, it could not be said that Sesshomaru ever truly smiled. Indeed, what passed for a smile on his cold yet beautiful mouth was generally cause for alarm to an enemy or a stranger and for a swift escape to a safe hiding place to Rin and Jaken. A grin on that fair, ageless face was reserved for moments of pleasure in the challenge of deterring or destroying a particularly foolish and cocksure adversary, like his ridiculous half-brother Inuyasha. Nevertheless, lately, when Rin shook out her rich dark hair and stood proudly before him, puffing out her adolescent chest (for she was a late developer) and declaring herself ready for any task he might set, she was sure that something very like a smile played about his lips. Though he never declared himself proud of her, never expressed pleasure in her company, never even praised her prowess as she developed her skills as a scout and fighter, Rin knew in her heart that he valued her, and that was enough.

Sesshomaru strode past the prostrate Rin and, beside her, the bowed form of Jaken. Pausing, he called over his shoulder: "Jaken, be prepared to leave in the morning." Knowing him ever to be a leader of few words, Jaken merely barked his single syllable of assent and understanding and went back to his work. Rin watched Sesshomaru walk away and pondered. They had not been long in this glade, but there had been time enough to take from its treasures: ripe fruits, medicinal herbs, even a thick-furred hare whose pelt would soon adorn the shoulder of Rin's kimono. An obvious homage to Sesshomaru's thick white fur, Rin carefully scraped and dried the soft skin, and this evening planned to begin the curing process to keep it supple. She had not wanted Lord Sesshomaru to return from his unspecified tasks before it was ready, but that was more foolishness. It would take weeks for the fur to be properly cured. Sesshomaru had been gone four long days, and that was more than enough time for Rin to begin to pine for her master, to long for his cold, reassuring presence.

"Rin," Sesshomaru commanded from a distance. The deep and powerful voice carried far and called her immediately to attention. She leapt to her feet, dropping the hare hide, and hasted to her Lord's presence beneath a broad old oak. She dropped again to her knees and bowed her head. She knew words were unnecessary. He would explain why he had summoned her in his own time.

"I have been injured, Rin," he said, without emotion.

"Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin gasped, tears forming in her eyes, looking as childlike and forlorn as she had the day she first came to tend the injured yokai who would become her guardian and her life's focus. "How? Where? Who did it? How could they…"

"Rin," Sesshomaru said with his usual quiet authority, and she fell silent. He raised his right arm and held it out for her to examine.

In hushed obedience and devotion, Rin moved quickly to inspect the outstretched limb. Tenderly she grasped it, her heart pounding. Though she willed it to be calm, whenever Sesshomaru was in danger—real or imagined in her loyal yet easily overwrought mind—she grew panicked. But ten years with Sesshomaru had taught her to control at least the outward signs of her distress, at least sometimes. Just below his shoulder, she saw the broken end of an arrow that had perforated his robe and pierced his flesh. Tearing the hole in his garment wider with infinite care, Rin peered at the tissue where the arrow had penetrated. Sesshomaru did not move during this procedure, and when she paused to glance at his face to see whether she had hurt him, she found his head raised, his inhuman gaze cool and level. He stared off into the distance, as if he was not even in his body. Rin longed for such self-control with an ache that reached her very soul. She swore an oath she had sworn hundreds of times, that she would someday learn some measure of the self-discipline and willpower of her beloved master.

As she examined the wound—which glowed with an eerie, milky whiteness—Sesshomaru spoke again. "Remove the arrow, Rin."

"But…but…" stuttered Rin. She did not want to hurt him.

"Force it through," he said, calmly.

Rin obeyed. First, she pushed his sleeve up and out of the way. Then, using the strength of her young, healthy body and the tenderness of her warm, young heart, she pushed the arrow through while Sesshomaru remained passive, with an unearthly stillness that made Rin shudder, despite herself.

"Rin: the poison hurts me, the arrow does not."

His words allowed her to calm herself enough to reach beneath his arm and pull the broken shaft through, and she marveled that there was no blood—just that cloudy substance that surrounded the shaft. It dripped from the arrowhead and from the wound as well. She held the arrow away from her and looked toward Lord Sesshomaru to know what to do next.

He continued to hold his arm aloft, and Rin could swear he seemed to struggle with the effort, though perhaps it was her imagination. "Drop the arrow," he said, and then looked into her eyes. "I need you to remove the poison now, Rin."

Rin felt her heart begin to pound again. Adoration blended with a fear of her own inadequacy and left her speechless, gazing up in mute impotence.

"Place your mouth on the wound and draw out the poison."

Rin nodded, bowed, and obeyed. She took the arm in her hands and brought the glowing gash to her mouth. She pressed her lips around it tightly and sucked, then turn her head and spat. Sesshomaru's flesh was cool to the touch, but the wound was hot. The poison had little taste, though it burned her tongue and she spat quickly and repeatedly, returning several times to the hole in her Lord's slender yet powerful arm, to suck and spit again. She would have continued forever, even if the fiery pain in her mouth had burned her alive, but soon Sesshomaru's voice stopped her.

"That is enough, Rin. Now go to the stream and wash your mouth out. The poison will not damage a human permanently, but it must be causing you pain."

Rin shook her head, not wanting to admit her weakness. "Go," Sesshomaru said quietly. And Rin went.

When she returned, Sesshomaru was leaning against the tree, crosslegged, his eyes closed. Without opening them, he remarked, "Go rest with Jaken now, Rin. I will be fine."

Rin fell to her knees before him. "Let me stay with you," she said, trying to keep all pleading out of her voice. She had learned young that begging did not work with one as strong and self-sufficient as Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru opened his eyes. Rin raised her head. He had not said no…yet. She waited.

He looked into her eyes, unblinking. She risked further speech, "Let me watch over you, Sesshomaru-sama. While you sleep." She did not dare risk more, knowing as she did that no matter how weakened he might be by the traces of poison that had already entered his bloodstream, if some threat should come to them in the night it was more likely that he would save them than that she would do any good at all. Still, she wanted to be near him.

Sesshomaru frowned slightly. "Very well." He closed his eyes again and laid his wounded arm in his lap.

Rin came around to his other, armless side, and laid her head against his chest. She longed to hear and feel the comfort of his heartbeat, to know that in some small way he was, like her, a living being. He permitted it. More: he spoke again. "Thank you, Rin."

Tears came into Rin's closed eyes and she did not fight them. She felt such relief that he would be well. Gratitude that he had allowed her to help him. Honor that he suffered her to touch him this way. And youthful adoration, blended with that hormonal drive that defines adolescence, suddenly blossomed into something more. Taking a deep breath and steeling her courage, Rin lifted her head and moved to position herself inches from Sesshomaru's face. His eyes did not open, but he spoke: "What is it, Rin?" he asked.

Rin moved forward and answered by pressing her lips to his. She held very still there, feeling their cool softness. And oh! they were soft lips. Softer than she thought they possibly could be. She had heard words of violence and death come from those lips, curses and promises of ruin and retribution. Always spoken with calm determination, with an ease and power that she had never witnessed from another being—human or demon. And so she had assumed that the lips that uttered such words with such frightening tranquility would be hard and unyielding. But she was wrong. Knowing she would have only seconds—if that—before he would push her from him, or worse, she kissed him, pouring forth all the desire and esteem she felt for this one, solitary soul in this cold and dangerous world. And, greater wonder still than her luck in having been rescued and cared for by him, he now permitted the kiss.

She would hardly say he returned the embrace, even limited as it was to the touching of lips. She did not try to deepen it by putting her arms around him. And, after all, she had never kissed anyone before, so perhaps this was what all men did. But it was good, and it was real. Her lips were crushed against his, and he was feeling the warmth of her there, and allowing it, perhaps (she hoped against hope) even relishing it as she was.

When he moved, after long moments of silent stillness (for him) and surging emotions and a racing heart (for her), it was to raise his hand and cup her chin, with surprising gentleness. His injury might account for the tender touch he used, but even as he eased her from contact, he did not push her away. He tipped her face up to his and looked deeply into her eyes. She could read nothing there, of course. But he was reading her, that was certain. He was probably thinking what a child she was. And though she knew he'd lived centuries longer than her, she could not think of him as old. His face was so beautiful to her. She remained in the mild grip of his long, slender fingers, and indulged herself in their close proximity. She studied the crescent moon on his forehead and the slashes of color that marked his cheeks, longed to reach out and touch them. She breathed in the icy scent of him—ozone, snow, a ghostly musk. She could not help it: she smiled.

He released her face, and she immediately regretted the emotion she had displayed. But surely he already knew how she felt. She sat before him, waiting for his next action. She anticipated being told to leave him, or his getting up and moving elsewhere, in his long, fluid way. Yet he did not. She heard his breathing, steady and strong. She tried to match her own to it. Then she felt his hand on hers. Again, his touch was gentle, and, if she were not fooling herself, perhaps even hesitant. He placed her palm down between his legs, beneath his wide yellow sash. She gasped, but did not attempt to withdraw her hand. She sensed that he would allow that, at her slightest reservation, and, she guessed, this moment would never come again. He kept his hand atop hers as she pressed down, then wrapped her fingers around the hard shaft she felt there. Her desire to give him pleasure outweighed her apprehension about what she was about to do.

Sesshomaru showed Rin how to part the thick white cloth of his garment to release him, and Rin's lips parted at the awe of being permitted to see the pale flesh beneath the robes of this demon-god she had so long worshiped. She reached her hands in eagerly, at once all childlike enthusiasm and adult desire. The directness of the invitation gave her the freedom to shed fears that Sesshomaru might become displeased or reject her. Instead, she was awash with wonder, curiosity, and yearning. Gingerly, one hand felt the soft inner thigh as the other held firmly to his rigid member. It grew larger as she caressed it, and Rin could not but be fascinated at this miracle. Cool and smooth like marble yet silken and thoroughly alive in her hand, Rin was entranced. She stroked more firmly as she listened to Sesshomaru's deep, even breaths. There was evidence here of arousal, surely, yet he appeared unmoved as she glanced up at his face in the night's glow. "Your mouth would feel even better," he said, his lips barely moving as his half-closed feral eyes reflected the shimmering moonlight.

Rin gave a small nod, the pleasure in obedience blending with the knowledge that she was surely stirring a need that she and Sesshomaru, incredibly, shared. She leaned forward, tossing her long, luxurious hair over her shoulders, then brought her mouth down to that beautiful rigidness between her delicate hands. She pressed her lips softly to the tip of it, tasting the moistness that welled there, feeling the way the loose skin of the shaft slipped easily up and down as she rubbed it with her hand. Her hair slid around her as she kissed lower, tasting every inch of its smooth length and breadth. Within that circle of hair, she had a warm, secret place from which she could indulge her senses and explore. As long as his talisman stayed firm in her grasp, she could rejoice in this vivid and direct display of pleasure, so alien to her master's demeanor in voice and expression.

Rin risked licking the slitted head once and felt it swell. She tasted salt and, again, that rain-like musk that was uniquely Sesshomaru's. She lapped again, drawing her tongue over and across, then around its flared edge. It jumped and droplet of fluid formed, which Rin devoured. Tasting Lord Sesshomaru was an intimacy greater than she could ever articulate. And still, she sought more. She wondered whether placing the head more fully in her mouth would be pleasing. She did so and sucked lightly. The response was even greater hardening and more fluid she tasted at the back of her tongue. And suddenly, she knew just what to do. Slowly, she swallowed the beautiful column that was the core of Sesshomaru to her. Inch by inch, she took more and more into her mouth, easing it down so as not to choke. She wanted to take him deep inside herself, to embrace all of him and, at the same time, to lose herself entirely in him. She did not know how to reconcile the contradictory desires she felt—to swallow him, to be swallowed by him—but she knew the key was somehow within her hungry mouth and the intimacy of this act.

As she used her mouth to stroke and delight him, as the rhythm built, she suddenly felt Sesshomaru's hand in her hair. By all the gods and demons of the world, Sesshomaru-sama was touching her hair! He threaded his skilled, elegant fingers through those silken strands and tugged, ever so gently, at her scalp. He guided her mouth for incredible, long moments, where nothing mattered but that he touch her, lead her, help her to satisfy him. Of course, he would know exactly what he wanted, and he showed her with every sweet, tender movement of his hand. Soon, she had found the rhythm he seemed to desire and she pleased him there, her mouth warm and wet and enveloping him, a place he could lose himself, if he would let her give that to him.

Time stood still. Rin did not know whether she sucked for moments or hours, but she did not care. She gagged once or twice, paused to catch her breath a few times, but she was determined, and Sesshomaru's touch was patient and light, even as she sensed a tension building quickly and sharply within him. And as she sensed that, she also felt a tension growing in her own body, a warmth and wetness and pulse beating between her legs that she both encouraged and eased by rocking onto her heels beneath her. She wondered if the urge she felt at her core was like what he was feeling as he drove her on.

And then he burst, poured forth into her mouth and down her throat the product of his need, the evidence of his gratification. Though silent, he arched into her mouth, his hips rising and his body shaking, seemingly of its own accord. Rin did not attempt to back away, she met him thrust for thrust and devoured every drop of the fluid confirmation of his satisfaction. When his body was again at rest, he stroked her hair in two long, soft passes, and then withdrew his hand. Rin slowly removed her mouth, placed his wilting member gently back into the folds of his robes, and crawled back a few feet to kneel and touch her head to the ground before him. In truth, she was a bit ashamed of her wantonness, evident in her disheveled hair and swollen lips. She preferred not to look him in the eye.

But, of course, that was not her decision. "Rin," Sesshomaru demanded, his voice as calm and commanding as if nothing unusual had happened between them.

She raised her eyes. "Yes, Sesshomaru-sama?"

"Thank you."

Her mouth opened, but words did not form. She bowed deeply again, the only response she could make.

"You may return to Jaken and sleep."

"Yes, Sesshomaru-sama." She began to rise, then paused. She looked up into her master's shining eyes. They looked the same as always: cool, aloof, controlled. But she felt differently now, perhaps about herself even more than about Lord Sesshomaru, so he looked somehow different to her. "Sesshomaru-sama?"

His gaze was steady. "Yes, Rin?"

"May I sleep beside you tonight?" Afraid of rejection, she hurried on: "As I did when I first found you—when I tended to you—those many years ago?"

Sesshomaru seemed almost to smile. "It was not _so_ many years ago, Rin."

Rin bowed her head slightly, waited. She wanted to continue their intimacy into sleep. She squeezed her eyes tightly and wished for it with every fiber of her young—yet no longer childish—being. She would not beg; she would accept whatever answer Sesshomaru gave unflinchingly and immediately. But let it be yes.

"Very well, then. For this night only." He leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes to sleep.

Rin moved quickly and quietly to Sesshomaru's side. She lay down on the ground, her head softly resting against his thigh. She turned her face and inhaled the mild, unique scent of her yokai master. Now and forever, she knew she would crave that scent and live in hope that another day he would once again summon her aid, thank her, and share even more of the closeness he had permitted this night. She smiled to herself. Closing her eyes, she breathed quietly and deeply of the cool night air.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: This formerly began "At Your Command, Sesshoumaru-sama," a 5-chapter continuation of "Coming of Age." You'll no doubt note the presence of Kikyou, who had not yet died in the manga when I wrote this, or at least I hadn't read it (because I began by watching the anime).

Coming of Age

Chapter 2

Rin sat at the fire, warming her hands. It was late, but she was not tired. She wore a furred cloak that Sesshomaru had given her to keep her warm, and she treasured it. It was made from the hide of a silver-gray wolf, and she loved that it made her look so grown up and, perhaps, just a little ferocious. Jaken was already asleep, and Sesshomaru was off somewhere unknown, as happened so often as to have become unremarkable.

The wind was cold but not strong, and Rin felt spring would soon be in the air. She sighed. The seasons had changed from summer to winter since Lord Sesshomaru had suffered the injury of a poisoned arrow in his arm and summoned Rin to remove and tend it. She had sucked the toxic milky fluid from him and sped his healing process. Then, he had allowed her to do more; he had let her bring her lips to his and to gratify him in even more intimate ways. He had even stroked the long, black silk of her hair before allowing her to sleep beside him that night. She had never felt closer to him, never felt more alive. And the memory did not fade as the months passed without a similar encounter.

Instead, the images of that night blossomed and grew in her mind, and the aching between her lithe and lean-muscled legs grew, too. She was a woman now, with a woman's body and a woman's desires. She had not grown fearful when the moon-cycled bleeding had begun: she remembered enough from hearing the village girls speak of it when she was a child to know it was normal. Of course, she had to take upon herself the task of figuring out how best to staunch the flow and to keep any hint of its presence from Jaken and Sesshomaru, lest they find her "dirty" and send her away each time it returned. But they had either not noticed or not cared, as they never said anything about the occasional extra washing she had to do, nor did they comment when she would seek out medicinal herbs that she learned (thanks to a kind serving woman in a friendly village) would help ease the pains she felt the first day of each cycle's course.

She continued to train in the use of a fighting staff and in tracking and stealth, working hard to become a valuable scout for her master—should there occur one of those rare occasions when he actually had need of one. And she continued to worship him from every possible proximity and position, whether he was battling some minor demon who dared to cross his path, interrogating some wretch who foolishly withheld information he sought, or intimidating some pitiful villagefolk who made vain threats to his freedom. She watched him in battle and at rest, walking proudly or sailing through the air, ending lives with Tokijin or reanimating them with Tenseiga. Against green hills or the glistening of snowflakes, the world was colored by and filled with Sesshomaru for Rin, and her childish hero worship had become full-blown romantic love over the past half year. With love came that ache in her heart and at her core, an ache that she knew no way to assuage.

Rin realized that her feelings for Sesshomaru did not and would not alter his treatment of her. Like Jaken, she was permitted to travel with her master, and, in fact, she was sometimes treated even better, most likely because she was human and a girl. She hated that last. Though mortal and hence less resilient than Jaken or even other lesser yokai or hanyo, she hated that both Sesshomaru and Jaken seemed to think her gender was as important a factor as her humanity. How she wished she was yokai like them. There were plenty of female demons who could hold their own in battle. Unless Lord Sesshomaru decided to fight them, of course. She grinned, catlike, at the thought of being, herself, the offspring of a wolf demon, and she wrapped the wolfskin cloak tightly around her. Would he be more attracted by her if they could battle first? Her smile vanished quickly, for she realized that then she would then be hanyo, and there was nothing Sesshomaru seemed to detest more than hanyo.

No, it was better that she was human, even though Lord Sesshomaru had no use for most humans…which brought Priestess Kikyo to mind. Could she truly be considered human? When asked, Jaken had long ago explained what he knew of the Priestess: that she had been raised from the dead, that she was no longer in her own human body, that she "lived" through possession of the souls of other humans who had died, and that she had been roaming the countryside this way for about as long as Rin had been traveling with Sesshomaru. There was a time when she, like Sesshomaru, had wanted Inuyasha dead. It seemed the two had actually been lovers at one time. But now, she no longer sought Inuyasha out, instead confining her life to the duties befitting a common Priestess. Rin had seen her several times when young, but only from a distance. Sesshomaru had always insisted she stay back, and safe. She could sense Kikyo meant her no harm: Did she not have a younger sister who had now grown old? Did she not heal sick humans, especially children? But Rin would never question Sesshomaru, who had always kept her well and could, of course, easily defeat this reborn, soul-stealing Priestess. Or so she had thought, until Jaken had told her the truth about that poisoned arrow of two seasons' past.

Rin's curiosity about Kikyo, she knew now, was misplaced, impossible. No matter her elegance and skill with the bow. No matter the sadness in her eyes that matched Rin's because she, too, had known so much suffering and death—she had even been resurrected herself. No matter that she too loved a child of The Great Dog Demon. These similarities (and Rin's lack of access to any female companionship) had helped her to convince herself that Kikyo had something to teach her. Certainly nothing as important as Sesshomaru or Jaken provided, but something about being a woman—a woman alone in a man's world. The guilt of even admitting to herself these thoughts about Kikyo was tremendous. She would never betray Sesshomaru. Yet, youthful fascination had grown into adult curiosity, and Rin longed to meet her, and talk to her. But no more! Knowing Kikyo had been the one to shoot her beloved master, she had to forswear her company! How could she feel anything but loathing for the woman? In fact, she thought, as the flames crackled before her, how could she do less than avenge Sesshomaru?

Sesshomaru, as was his custom, had said nothing about the arrow after that night. She had not learned from his lips how he had received the wound, who or where he fought, or how he planned to retaliate. In truth, it seemed he did not plan to retaliate. Without doubt, he did not fear his attacker. But now that she knew it was Kikyo she wondered. What had inspired the Priestess to fire upon him? Was the poison specifically made to harm Sesshomaru? Would she strike again?

Rin pondered, head cocked to the side as she stared up at the night sky. She could answer some of her own questions, to be sure. It had been months since the injury with no repeat incident. Moreover, Kikyo had not confronted them. If Sesshomaru had wanted vengeance, he would have taken it by now. Even if she could not die, the Priestess would have been somehow eliminated. And there was no such news from Jaken. When he told her of the source who brought about their master's wound, it was in hushed tones, and with the suggestion that she was still a potential threat, and living in the village just across the river. Suddenly it came to Rin: surely Sesshomaru was even now seeking Kikyo out! He would surely defeat her, but another poisoned arrow might strike him first! And here she was, sitting at a fire with Jaken snoring loudly beside her. What a fool she was not to have considered it until now!

The confusion that had filled Rin's mind about her desire for Sesshomaru alongside her fascination with Kikyo was gone in an instant. She rose quickly and silently, grabbed her staff and stuck a knife in her deerhide boot. She would cross the river and find Kikyo out herself. She would stab her in her sleep or she would stand between her and Lord Sesshomaru, and it would be she who would take the arrow and die, if anyone must. She was determined.


	3. Chapter 3

Coming of Age

Chapter 3

Ah-un woke instantly when she stroked one of his snouts. She slipped the reins gently over his head, and he followed her obediently away from the camp, while Jaken slept on. A two-headed flying dragon yokai certainly came in handy for crossing bodies of water. The cool air blew icy in her face as they sped through the night sky. And Rin patted his necks with genuine affection when they soon landed near the small village at the river's edge. "Wait for me, Ah-un. And if I am killed, bring my body back to Lord Sesshomaru and tell him I died in his loyal service." Ah-un nuzzled Rin's back as she walked away, as if to let her know he was watching out for her.

It was not difficult to find Kikyo's hut. At the west edge of the sleeping village stood a solitary dwelling bordered by the large herb garden of a healer. A small fire burned brightly within. There was no sign of conflict or of Sesshomaru. Rin approached silently. When she arrived at the doorway, she dramatically pushed the hanging mat aside and entered proudly. She held her staff in battle-ready position and summoned her enemy. "Priestess Kikyo, I am hear to avenge my master, Lord Sesshomaru."

Kikyo looked up from a pile of dried beans she was sorting, her face aglow from the firelight. She spoke calmly, quietly. "You are Rin. You have grown since I saw you last."

"Did you hear me?" replied Rin, shakily. Then, with more courage in her voice: "I have come to challenge you."

The corner of Kikyo's mouth lifted. "Ah. Well then, perhaps you will permit me to know what I have done to your master to merit your special attention and the risk of your young life. Please, sit and take tea with me. I will not harm you…until we agree to do battle."

Rin did not know how to reply to this request, this politeness. She was not prepared for it. Her heart was racing as she steeled herself for combat. She took a deep breath and tried to think. Was this a trick?

As if reading her thoughts, Kikyo added, "You have my oath. I will not harm you, young Rin."

Despite herself, Rin relaxed her defenses. She welcomed this opportunity, there was no denying it. The tea would warm her and the company of the beautiful and mysterious priestess was so tempting. She placed her staff behind her as she sat on the mat across from Kikyo. The heat of the small pit fire was welcome, and the tea mug was warm and solid in her grasp. She could not help but peek at Priestess Kikyo over the rim of her cup. She sipped her tea, then replaced the mug beside her. Looking up, Kikyo met Rin's eyes. Her glance was cool, appraising perhaps, but aloof. She was patient, not unlike Lord Sesshomaru. Was that part of the attraction? Rin blushed with guilt, shame, and something more…something less easy to identify.

Before she could make sense of this inner conflict, Kikyo spoke again. "The tea is made from the dried buds of a rare and beautiful plant. It blooms only for a few days each year, and if one takes too many buds, the bush will not flower at all. Balance is the key. Knowing just how much to take and how much to leave."

Rin nodded, in spite of herself. She came to destroy this reanimated soul-stealing priestess, and destroy her she must, or die trying. She closed her eyes and brought back to mind the image of Sesshomaru's arm, having to push the broken arrow through it, and the opalescent poison oozing from it. She feared that night that he might die…but he did not, and he had let her share herself with him, not only to help him heal but to demonstrate to him the depth of adoration she felt. Adoration…and desire. She remembered the taste of the burning poison on her tongue, and the taste of Sesshomaru's seed as he shattered in pleasure within her mouth and throat.

"What is it you seek from me, Rin?" Kikyo's voice broke the silence.

Rin's eyes shot open. Before she could think, she blurted out, "Tell me how to win Sesshomaru's heart!"

Kikyo blinked. Clearly, it was not what she had expected to hear. She brought her slender fingers to her mouth. She did not speak.

Rin rushed on. "You won his half-brother Inuyasha's heart. Tell me how, tell me what to do, please, Priestess Kikyo."

"Ah Rin, do not use my love for Inuyasha as a comparison. That love destroyed and remade us both. And though we will always love each other, he belongs to Kagome now, and she to him. And the hanyo child they have recently brought into the world together will keep that bond always beyond my reach. We are where we are meant to be: he with Kagome and his child; I alone, in this life-after-death for as long as I am able to help others. I am not the one to tell you how to reach Sesshomaru." She smiled sadly. "If he can be reached. I honestly wonder if that yokai has a heart to be won."

The change in her tone brought Rin back to herself. What was she doing? In the hopes that this woman could somehow help her attain her heart's desire, she had entirely forgotten her mission. "Perhaps not to be _won_ but to be _killed_, you mean!" she spat. "Why did you fire that poisoned arrow into my Lord Sesshomaru last summer, Kikyo?"

"Poisoned arrow?" Kikyo repeated, thoughtfully. She took a deep breath, and then continued. "I have had neither opportunity nor motive to engage Sesshomaru in battle, Rin. Your loyalty is admirable, but I am not the one you seek. At least not for vengeance."

Rin stood, her fists balling of their own accord. "Jaken-sama told me it was you who shot my master. He would not lie." She hated that Kikyo was deceiving her. She must make her tell the truth. She reached for the knife in her boot, and, in an instant, found herself pinned beneath Kikyo's grasp, the knife kicked to the corner of the room.

"Do not be foolish, Rin. Even if I was guilty of injuring Sesshomaru, what harm do you think you could bestow on me? You cannot truly wound me, and my life cannot be taken because I am already dead." Rin thrashed in her grasp. "Be still, child, and I will help you…with all you desire…."

Kikyo held Rin tightly, with not only her hands on the girl's shoulders but with her voice and her words. Rin sighed and yielded. As soon as Kikyo felt the tension go out of Rin's body, she released her. "First, come sit again, and I will tell you who likely fired that arrow at Sesshomaru."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: I love my original author's note to this chapter, written in February 2008, where we were so far from the manga's end, with both Naraku AND Kikyou still alive. Here's what I wrote: "Though Naraku might be the best guess for the one who fired the arrow at Sesshomaru, I wondered if, ten years in the future, he would still be a threat. It made my head hurt to contemplate fleshing out the future too much, so I went for something lighter and moved on to the sex. Hope the depiction of Kikyo rings true, including my decision to give her an androgynous body type (as she seems in her robes) instead of the busty cartoon we saw when she was reanimated."

Coming of Age

Chapter 4

Rin obeyed Kikyo and sat again across the fire from her. She lowered her head; a familiar feeling of being chastened and reduced to childhood flowed through her.

Kikyo seemed to sense this. "I will not call you 'child' again, Rin. Forgive me. You are rash, but that is not always a product of youth. Inuyasha has always been one to act before he thinks, and he has lived far too long to be called a child. But at least he has matured some in recent years. The same cannot be said of his one-time companion, the fox demon Shippo. Do you recall this kitsune who once traveled with him?"

Rin nodded, remembering the silly little creature, with his enormous fluffy tail and his boastful, squeaky voice. Sesshomaru would never have permitted such a child to travel with him. She felt pride in her meekness and how it had served her master. And she longed for the chance to serve him better, in combat against the one who had harmed him and in his immortal embrace. She would not trust Kikyo until she was certain it was not the priestess who was guilty of shooting that toxic arrow.

"Listen to me, Rin. I bring up Shippo for a purpose: I believe it is he who shot Sesshomaru."

Rin scoffed, so incongruous was it to imagine that little kitsune planning so foolish and dangerous a venture.

Kikyo ignored Rin's reaction and continued. "Last spring, Shippo came to me, now grown and with a family of his own, and asked if I could help him create a poison to bring down a powerful animal yokai. He said he wanted to repay a debt to someone who had saved his life on several occasions by defeating this demon, whom he feared would attempt to destroy the newborn hanyo daughter."

"Sesshomaru?" Rin queried, in disbelief. "Shippo thought Sesshomaru would murder Inuyasha and Kagome's daughter? How dare he insult the noble Sesshomaru with such dishonorable thoughts! He is no killer of children!"

"I did not know it was Sesshomaru he meant, though perhaps I should have guessed. But it makes perfect sense to me now. I felt it was my duty to help the distraught kitsune, for it caused me terrible pain to think of any tragedy befalling Inuyasha's child. They named the girl Eien, did you know? It means 'eternity.' And though the hanyo cannot live forever, I wish her as many years as she can have. In another life, she might have been mine." Kikyo's eyes glistened in the firelight. "Without asking for more information, I provided the foolish Shippo with a recipe for a poison that can wound many forms of animal yokai." She sighed and poured herself and Rin another cup of tea. "But he took not only the poison on his journey for battle; he took my identity. I am sure he thought it would protect his family from retribution. I, of course, have none to protect. I now understand why reports came to me from my soul catchers of an individual who had my appearance but was not me, traveling across the land to do battle with yokai. It was Shippo, in my form, hunting Sesshomaru."

"If this is so," asked Rin, "then why has Shippo never attacked after that sole battle?"

"I cannot answer that with certainty, but I would guess that it is because he and his family are now living again with Inuyasha, Kagome, and Eien, and he feels he can protect Eien best by staying near her."

Rin pondered. It made sense. It also meant she might have to confront Shippo someday. But right now it meant most that she did not have to fight Priestess Kikyo.

"If you are satisfied on that score, Rin, then perhaps we can talk of other things."

Rin blushed, terribly embarrassed that she had divulged the secret of her love for Sesshomaru to this woman but also excited to have a confidant—especially one who was not guilty of any harm toward her master. She bowed her head and spoke softly and hesitantly. "Kikyo-sama, can you…can you make me worthy of…his affection?"

Kikyo rose and came to sit beside Rin. She tipped her face up with two graceful fingers. "Rin, you are already worthy of far more than just his affection. You are humble, devoted, faithful, and pure of heart." She stroked Rin's soft cheek. "Perhaps, little vassal, you must consider whether the question is one of your worth or of his ability to recognize it."

Rin opened her mouth to speak, but Kikyo silenced her with a finger across her lips. "No, please. Do not misunderstand me. I mean no disrespect, Rin. I know enough of loving a child of the Great Dog Demon to speak wisely. And if Sesshomaru is ever to truly value you the way you seek, it will be because you value yourself. He will see it in you, see the adult woman in you, and, if he can be drawn to it, he will."

Rin's heart swelled. She found hope in the words, and promise. "You speak so wisely, Kikyo-sama. Just as I knew you would." Swept up in the moment, Rin brought her lips to Kikyo's and kissed her.

At first, Kikyo was a feminine mirror of Sesshomaru when she had kissed him. Kikyo held still and, it seemed, allowed herself to be kissed. And, like Sesshomaru's, her lips were cool, inhumanly so. But soon it was different. Very different. Kikyo reached a hand up to twine in Rin's long, luxurious tresses and pulled her in more closely. She parted her lips, and Rin deepened the kiss eagerly. Their soft tongues touched, explored, danced. The feeling sent electric rushes through Rin's body and she thrilled at this. She felt the familiar pulse begin between her legs as she reached her hand up to touch Kikyo's pale skin. Cool to the touch for reasons quite different from Sesshomaru's but equally lovely to contrast with the warmth of Rin's hand.

"You are so lovely, and so alive," breathed Kikyo, breaking the kiss and sitting back on her heels. "I had almost forgotten what an amorous touch feels like. It has been so long. Thank you, sweet Rin, for sharing this gift with me."

Rin marveled at these words, and leaned in for another kiss. Kikyo laughed and returned the embrace, and both enjoyed an intimacy that asked little and gave much. When Kikyo again separated herself from Rin—for Rin might never have stopped, it was all so new and exciting to her—it was to offer something else.

"Rin, of myself, I have far too little to give one as full of life and energy as you are. And it is Sesshomaru, not me, who is in your heart. I share his distance from a life of mortal flesh, but I have also known a mortal life, love, and desire. Will you, instead, allow me to be your guide? Let me teach you to know your body and its yearnings as an adult woman should. It is this gift I can give you, and you, in turn, can share with Sesshomaru, if he chooses to observe and appreciate it."

Rin immediately fell to a submissive posture before Kikyo. Never had anyone offered her so much and so selflessly. She spoke from beneath her curtain of hair. "Thank you, Kikyo-sama, thank you. I will learn anything you wish to teach me, and I will be grateful for your generosity—always."

"Rise, then, Rin, and let me be an elder sister to you. It is a role I have adopted with other women in the various villages I have lived in the past few years. Since being brought back to life in this form, I have had opportunity to observe that girls are often forced to marry before they know themselves, that they are bartered like livestock. Others simply surrender themselves to a man's will, making him responsible for their pleasure and happiness. It gives _me_ pleasure teach and serve these young women as a guide, just as it gives me pleasure to heal or help birth their children. All of this is about making the most of one's life, something I failed to do when alive, and now I make amends in this form." Kikyo fell silent and sipped her cooling tea. Then, she looked up earnestly at the young woman before her and made a promise for this night: "Rin, I will lead you with affection and show you new pleasures that you may keep with you forever…regardless of Sesshomaru's response."

Though she did not like that last phrase, Rin accepted it as part of Kikyo's teachings. She would listen well and learn quickly over the remaining hours of darkness, for she must return before Jaken awoke, and they would no doubt leave this vicinity when Sesshomaru returned. Who knew how long it would be before she could come back for another lesson.

Kikyo rose and moved to the area where she slept. Her humble sleeping mat was there, but also several cushions. She sat back comfortably in them and motioned Rin to her. "Come stand before me now, and show me your body."

Rin opened her mouth to protest, but at the kind and encouraging look in Kikyo's eyes, she closed it again and began to obey. Kikyo watched her, and Rin could tell she was pleasantly surprised at her willingness. When she slipped her shoulders from the sleeves of the gown and stood, bare-breasted, in the firelight, Rin felt within herself a thrill of self-awareness. Kikyo spoke. "Shall I tell you what I see, Rin? I see beauty and the perfection of youth. I see a raven-haired young woman with a blush in her cheeks, shining almond eyes, and maturing breasts with pale pink nipples. Reach your hands up and touch them."

More shock for Rin, who had, of course, felt her breasts' slight roundedness against her palms once or twice, always wishing they were more luxurious and full like the village women she caught glimpses of, washing their clothes and leaning forward to expose their lushness without knowing it. She deemed her chest one of the many reasons Sesshomaru did not consider her worthy of his sexual attention. Rin looked into Kikyo's eyes and wished that she would touch her. Kikyo, too, was small-chested, and no one would say she was not beautiful. She would let the priestess do anything she wished with her body tonight. Rin dropped her head forward.

"Very well," Kikyo replied. "It is always easier to be touched than to touch ourselves…at first."

Rin did not dare move. If she looked up now she would have to see Kikyo approach. She could not bear to have her see the fiery flush in her cheeks. When the touch came, after a soft rustling of Kikyo's robes that made Rin's flesh prickle and her breath quicken, Rin found she was more completely unprepared that she thought it possible to be. First, Kikyo released her sash and let her robe drop to the floor. Kikyo's hands cupped both of her breasts, pressing them gently, then she left only her palms there and began to move them in tiny circles. Rin's nipples tingled and the tingle rapidly became an ache. Kikyo seemed to know the effects she was causing, and began to gently rub her left nipple with her thumb. As that gesture became a rhythmic stroking, Rin suddenly felt Kikyo's hand touch her sex. She nimbly slipped fingers down to part Rin's lips. Rin gasped and jumped back, tripping over her gown at her feet, and fell on her backside.

Kikyo made her own little gasp, and came to help her up. Rin was so embarrassed that as she scrambled to get back to her feet, all she managed to do was become more entangled in her clothing. Without grace or patience, she finally kicked free of the garment and ran for the door. Heaven only knew where her brains had gone to, but Kikyo still had hers. "Stop!" she commanded as Rin put her hand on the hanging mat, ready to push it aside and flee.

Rin turned and looked at Kikyo, whose face was a mask of anxious concern. Only when mirrored in the priestess' eyes did Rin realize that she was about to walk out into the night, completely undressed. She rushed back to her robe and hastily tried to dress, wishing Kikyo would stop watching her. Kikyo came over quietly and put her hand on Rin's bare shoulder. Rin felt the rush of arousal again and tried to move out of Kikyo's reach without being obvious.  
"Rin," Kikyo said, grasping her more firmly by both shoulders and turning her around. She kissed Rin, sweetly and firmly, and it both stirred and calmed her. Then she spoke again. "Do not be afraid."

"Forgive me—" Rin began, wanting to stop Kikyo from saying something that would embarrass her further.

But Kikyo shook her head and continued, her voice rich as honey. "No, Rin, it is I who seek your forgiveness. I acted too hastily. I assumed you had already been touched there. If you will trust me, I would like to try something different. Let us seek pleasures we can give ourselves at our own hand…together."

Rin did not know exactly what Kikyo meant, but she looked into the beautiful priestess' eyes and knew she would not flee from her again. Kikyo took her hand and guided her to the cushions. Loosening and removing her robes, Kikyo's perfect small breasts and slender arms appeared. She was magnificent, a pale goddess. She motioned for Rin to lean back on a cushion, and in that darkened world of fire-shadowed warmth, she revealed herself. Each new inch of flesh was a revelation to Rin, who had never truly looked at a naked woman before, and she grew from anxious to eager until, finally, Kikyo stood before her, a glittering creature of fantasy, lithe and slim-hipped. Like Rin, she seemed neither fully woman nor yet a child, an androgynous being of unearthly beauty.

When she at last slipped down to sit, Rin could scarcely breathe. Her seated body was a mirror of Rin's, back straight, legs folded, face to face. She leaned back a bit, propping herself up on one elbow. Rin watched. Kikyo nodded her head, bidding her silently to do the same. Rin followed suit.

Kikyo placed two fingers in her mouth and sucked softly on them. Rin watched, puzzled yet aroused at the sight. Kikyo nodded again, and Rin came to understand that she was to do exactly what Kikyo did. Rin slipped two fingers into her mouth. And when Kikyo then took her wet digits from between her lips and reached them down between her thighs, Rin knew she must do this, too. Rin felt dizzy and unsure, but she obeyed.

Kikyo spoke then: "Before you can enjoy the touch of others, Rin, you must enjoy your own touch. A woman's body is a garden of pleasure. Our mouths are ripe, fleshy fruit; both fruit and tight bud are our breasts; a full bloom is our sex. Part the petals, Rin, and explore the dewy warmth of your blossoming flower." Kikyo's eyes drifted shut as she coaxed herself apart with first finger and pinky, then brought her two middle fingers to open her glistening inner lips. Rin saw between them a tiny bud, which she massaged in little circles, alternating with occasional dips into her core, where her fingers were wetted. She stretched her legs and spread them wide, and Rin tingled where Kikyo's thighs brushed up against hers.

As she watched, Rin began to stroke herself. She did not look down, afraid to miss a moment of Kikyo's beautiful self-pleasuring. She moaned softly as she watched the silent priestess bloom and swell, the flesh of her sex darkening to a ripe blush. Suddenly, Kikyo gasped, her muscles locked and her teeth bit into her bottom lip. She stroked furiously then lay back fully and brought her other hand to move fingers in and out of her opening. Her body began to shake, then arched hard, and Rin sensed a sudden bursting within her. Rin marveled at her movements and heavy breathing, wondering what she must be feeling.

Her trembling lessened and her fingers stopped thrusting, and Rin could not help but go to her and place her head in the priestess' lap. She wanted to give comfort, though she knew Kikyo was not in distress. She reached out her arms and clung to her. Kikyo patiently accepted the tribute, stroking Rin's hair as her body rocked with tiny spasms. "Did that give you pleasure to watch?"

Rin nodded, sheepishly, into her lap. Kikyo stretched her lithe frame and bade her sit up. "Now it is your turn to fly," she said softly.

Rin lifted herself but shook her head. "Kikyo-sama, I cannot…."

"Of course you can," she replied, putting a finger to Rin's lips. "You can please yourself better than anyone else. In future, you will no doubt enjoy the touch of others—perhaps even Lord Sesshomaru's—but for now, give this gift to yourself. It will help you to become the adult you so long to be." Gently, she took Rin's hand in hers and brought it back between Rin's legs. "Just touch yourself, and see what pleases you." She removed her hand but kept her eyes on Rin. "Go on, Rin: soon you will find your way."

Rin closed her eyes and pressed her hand to cup her sex. Rin worried she would not be able to do as Kikyo had done. In fact, she was certain she could not achieve that bliss that Kikyo had found and that she, miraculously, had been able to give to Sesshomaru with her mouth those long months ago. Rin worried Kikyo would grow displeased or, worse, disinterested. She took a deep breath and sighed it out. She steeled her courage. She would meet this challenge for Master Sesshomaru. And, if she were very lucky, perhaps she would feel some small bit of the pleasure Kikyo had experienced for herself. She squeezed herself gingerly, and felt the heat there.

Kikyo nodded, encouraging Rin as if she had read her thoughts. And though her gaze should have brought Rin more embarrassment, it did not. She felt moisture pool and brought her fingers to her slickened entrance. She pressed her two middle fingers inside, as Kikyo had done, and was rewarded with a shudder throughout her body. She was soft and wet inside, warm and welcoming. Rin had never explored herself this way, and now she marveled at that fact. Though she owed her life to Sesshomaru, still she had a right to her own body, did she not? Who else should plumb its depths, riper than she had ever imagined? She withdrew her fingers until only the tips were left inside, then drove them in more forcefully and felt a rush of heat and wetness. This was good. She smiled to herself, closing her eyes tightly, and was urged on by the sound of Kikyo's soft sigh. She wanted to see Kikyo's face, but she feared she would break the spell of this magic if she raised her eyelids.

Rin continued to delve, fingers thrusting in and out, and then brought her right hand to join her left, tracing circles around and across that tiny node of pleasure. She grew dizzy from the rush of arousal and from the exertion of making her hands do as her excitement demanded. She labored long, soon losing track of anything but the needs of her body, centered in the fiery core of her. She arched into her own hands as though it was not she who brought this pleasure but Sesshomaru. Her muscles tightened and her legs spread wide of their own accord. Her flesh ripened and swelled around her eager fingers, fingers far nimbler than she ever knew them to be. And after an eternity that was simultaneously but a moment, she felt a sharpening of her senses, a drawing in of all her energies. All of her blood was flowing to her sex. All of the universe was entering into her, until her entire being was a knot of unendurable tightness. Her body opened like a young flower thirsting for a downpour. Her fingers were numb, and she ached for release, for something she could not name but which approached with increasing force from just beyond her reach.

Suddenly it hit. Rin peaked with the explosion of thunder in the heavens. She was torn as lightning splits a tree asunder. She cried out and Kikyo silenced her in a kiss. Rin's body shook, her arms and legs shivering, the tiny muscles of her sex contracting. She threw her arms around Kikyo and felt the cool length of her body like a balm.

After long moments of an embrace that was one of celebration, comfort, and intimacy, Kikyo brought herself and Rin to a sitting position. She brushed Rin's hair from her face, then rose to dress. Handing Rin her clothing, she said, "You are a fast learner. I can teach you little more about your own desire and how to make use of it." She smiled, and Rin basked in its radiance, though she could not have guessed just how rare and unique the gift of a smile from Kikyo was. The priestess continued, indulgently, "If anyone can draw the desire from Inuyasha's proud, distant brother, I suspect it will be you."

Rin beamed, aglow with the rush of pleasure she had just experienced at her own hands, the delight of shared warmth with the beautiful Kikyo, and the determination to win her master's love.

"Come now. Finish dressing yourself and sit by the fire with me. I must rest soon, but before I do, tell me why you have given not only your loyalty but your heart to that icy dog demon Sesshomaru."


	5. Chapter 5

Warning: Non-con. An angry Sesshomaru is not a good thing for Rin. (But don't worry: it's a genre staple; love, of a romance novel sort, will prevail.)

Coming of Age

Chapter 5

Ah-un landed surprisingly softly for a creature of his size. Rin slid from his back and expressed her thanks with the same hug around each neck she had given since she first began to ride him. She scurried back toward the campsite but stopped abruptly at the immovable object suddenly appearing in her path. Sesshomaru, beautiful and lustrous as the moon and just as inscrutable, stood before her, arms folded across his chest. The height from which he looked down at her was magnified by his proud posture and icy gaze. Though Rin had long learned not to fear what others rightly saw as arrogance and menace, she had left without Sesshomaru's permission or even Jaken's knowledge, so some trepidation was not unreasonable.

"Sesshomaru-sama," Rin gasped. Quickly, she came to her knees and bowed her head deeply.

"Where have you been, Rin?"

Through the curtain of her hair and its illusion of protection, Rin spoke. "I went to avenge you, Sesshomaru-sama."

Sesshomaru was silent a moment. Rin waited, her heart pounding in her chest. "For what did I need to be avenged?"

"The poisoned arrow that struck you last summer."

"Indeed," Sesshomaru replied, with what might have been either bemusement or disdain in his deep voice.

"Yes," Rin went on, encouraged by the reply, "Jaken told me it was Priestess Kikyo who had shot you and she lives just across the river so I left him sleeping by the fire and asked Ah-un to take me to her and I burst into her hut and told her I would fight her but she was kind to me and explained to me that she is not the one who—"

"Enough, Rin," commanded Sesshomaru. "I know it was not Kikyo who fired that arrow, and I know that there is no threat. And even should there be, do you think I would have you risk your life in so foolish a manner to avenge me?"

Rin replied immediately, "Forgive me, Sesshomaru-sama," and touched her head to the ground.

"Be silent, Rin. You misunderstand me. You are under my protection; I am not under yours. I expect your obedience and respect. I know you meant well, but do not defy my control in this way again."

"Yes, Sesshomaru-sama."

"You may rise, Rin."

As Rin stood, Sesshomaru began to walk by her. He put his hand on her shoulder, and Rin felt a thrill. She turned and looked up into his ageless, enigmatic face. He looked down at her, took a long, slow breath, and exhaled. His grip on her shoulder tightened. "Kikyo has touched you," he said, without expression.

"She did not hurt me, Sesshomaru-sama," Rin answered, to ease her master's mind. She gave a small, devoted smile.

"Rin, I can smell her on your body," Sesshomaru snapped, the hint of a growl in his voice.

Rin's smile vanished. She bowed her head and did not attempt to turn loose from Sesshomaru's grasp. He could not know that what she had done in touching and being touched by Kikyo was all about her adoration of him, making herself ready for him, understanding her body and her desires to share them with him. She did not know how to explain. Her eyes welled.

"She has marked you, Rin," Sesshomaru snarled, ignoring her submissive posture. His sharp nails bit through her robe and dug into the flesh of her shoulder.

"Forgive me, Sesshomaru-sama," she begged again, desperate for his affection and understanding. She knew he did not respond to emotional pleas, but she had nothing else to offer. Her master had never turned his anger upon her in this way.

Sesshomaru seemed to smell her fear. He paused and removed his hand. He found greater control over his voice, too, then asked, "Do you understand what I am saying, Rin?"

Rin raised her face, tears running down her flushed cheeks. "Do not send me away, Sesshomaru-sama! Please!" she gushed. She dropped to the ground and wrapped herself around his ankles. Images of a world without her savior and lord guiding and protecting her made her dizzy. How could she have betrayed him this way? How could she not have known it was betrayal?

Sesshomaru step backed, releasing himself from her grasp. It shocked Rin more than the snarl in his voice, more than his vise-like grip. He could have kicked her away or demanded she move. But he had clearly been repulsed by her touch. "Sesshomaru-sama," she implored, her voice a whisper. She was again a child of eight, alone and lost in the world.

"Still, you do not comprehend," Sesshomaru said, a threatening rumble in his throat. "And I cannot control myself long enough to explain." Reaching his hand into his robes, Sesshomaru withdrew the marbled shaft that Rin had longed to see again for the past half-year. It was hard, exquisite in her master's beautiful hand. But this was different. He was stroking it firmly as he looked into her eyes, but they were clouded, shadowed by an intensity she had only known when he was about to strike an adversary dead.

Shivering with an impossible combination of desire and dread, Rin watched as Sesshomaru approached and circled her. He breathed heavily, through his mouth, and his fangs appeared, shining menacingly in the moonlight. Rin cowered then gasped as Sesshomaru pushed her roughly to the ground from behind. She fell onto her hands and knees, and in an instant, her master was upon her. He kicked her legs apart and pushed her down by the small of her back. She collapsed, arms folding beneath her and face pressed to the hard earth. Like the demon he was, he used his claws to slash her gown from her back, positioned himself, and plunged into her, a guttural moan emerging from deep within him. Rin knew not to cry out.

The pain of entry was both sharp and deep. She was spread so wide, impossibly wide. But this was not the only pain her master gave. Once inside, he threw himself on top of her, his body covering hers fully, grinding her into the cold ground, and then his teeth were in her neck. He pinned her there and drove mercilessly into her, again and again, slaking his thirst and claiming her bodily as he had already claimed her heart and soul.

Rin was overwhelmed. He rocked her small body with his powerful thrusts, and she could do nothing but surrender. Had he taken her out of love, she could have taken more pleasure from it, despite the harshness of his treatment. Though the longer he rode her the more her body responded, the pleasure was soured for her by her knowledge that her failure had brought out the beast in him, the animal that knew only that its property had been sullied by another.

Withdrawing his fangs and rising up onto his knees, Sesshomaru continued to ravage his prey. Rin's body betrayed her, and she could not help but press back as he plunged forward. They were animals together, and shame vanished into a lust that left her faint and greedy and lost in the power of that swollen shaft inside her.

Suddenly, it was gone. With a grunt, Sesshomaru withdrew and Rin turned her face in time to see him pump himself to climax. He bared his teeth as he caught her eye, and spewed forth his seed to coat her back.

The animal in him had reclaimed her now, marked her as his own. Rin let her body drop and began to sob. She owed Sesshomaru her life; her body was always his to claim, to cherish or to destroy. And she knew he would not send her away now. But could she still love him after this?

As she heard Sesshomaru rise and quietly leave her, she winced, remembering Kikyo's words: "If anyone can draw the desire from Inuyasha's proud, distant brother, I suspect it will be you."


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note (from first posting): As a writer, I find it important to keep the characters as true to their personalities in the original text as possible [I didn't know the term "in-character" when I originally wrote this], given that I am creating original scenarios and adding the MA/NC-17 qualities (adult situations and graphic depictions of sex). I could not let this story end at Chapter 4 [now Chapter 5 of _Coming of Age_], but I will not make Sesshomaru apologize and express undying love for Rin and let them live a Cinderella fairy tale. Chapter 5 [now 6] is my compromise: this is the Sesshomaru I can live with, having gone as far as I did in Chapter 4 [now 5]. I hope it works for readers, and I welcome feedback.

Coming of Age

Chapter 6

"Rin, stay back," Sesshomaru commanded over his shoulder. Rin obeyed, instantly, though she held her staff in battle position and remained crouched, prepared to defend herself if necessary.

Sesshomaru turned back to his opponent, a flying snake-headed yokai thrice his size, and vaulted into the air to meet its attack. The snake's doubled tail lashed out in two directions to encircle Sesshomaru's waist. While one tail quickly ensnared him, the other met with Sesshomaru's outstretched claws. The green trail of Toxic Flower Claw bloomed from the nailbeds and directly began to melt the yokai's flesh. A wail came from the creature's throat as its long, slender tongue desperately sought Sesshomaru's throat. Rin watched in fascinated horror as Sesshomaru was strangled at throat and waist and began to drop toward the earth with the writhing, disintegrating snake beast attached to him. Again the fiend screeched as Sesshomaru's claws hacked into its body across his chest. By the time her master and his opponent reached the earth, the snake yokai was a mass of liquefying flesh.

Sesshomaru lightly touched down, then stepped away and called Rin and Jaken to him.

"Brilliantly fought, Sesshomaru-sama!" Jaken gushed. "You are indeed mighty—and so swift! The weak creature was hardly upon you before you had destroyed him! No one can stand against Sesshomaru and win! Isn't that so, Rin?"

Rin slipped her staff into the sheath on her back and smiled benevolently upon the obsequious Jaken. Softly, she answered him. "Yes, Jaken, there is no one as powerful as our master. We are privileged to serve him." Her tone was flat. Rin grabbed Ah-un's reins and led him behind her as Jaken continued to sing Sesshomaru's praises.

Sesshomaru turned back and faced his followers. "Jaken, the path into the glade is now clear. Go on ahead and find food for yourself and Rin."

"Yes, Sesshomaru-sama. Come, Rin."

"No, Jaken. Give Jaken the reins, Rin."

Rin nodded and obeyed, her heart beating fast. Jaken silently took Ah-un into the forest, glancing back at the pair a time or two as he went.

When the protective little yokai and dragon had vanished from sight, Sesshomaru spoke. "Rin, do you wish to be released from my service?"

Immediately, Rin understood what was being asked of her and why. Winter had turned to spring without a word being said about the night he had taken her, but it had never been far from her thoughts. Rin wrestled with guilt, shame, sadness, and frustration. From his lack of desire to understand what she had done with Kikyo and why to her body's response to his savage use of it, Rin could find no peace. And now, suddenly, she faced banishment—or so the question felt to her burning heart.

"At your command, Sesshomaru-sama," she said, squaring her shoulders and facing Sesshomaru as bravely as she could.

Sesshomaru looked down at her. His expression was impenetrable, as it always was—but for that one, life-changing night. "Come sit with me, Rin," he said. She complied.

She unstrapped her staff and placed it behind her. Master and vassal sat, facing one another, crosslegged and backs straight. Rin looked into Sesshomaru's eyes for a moment, then dropped her head. She let her long hair, once again, comfort and protect her.

"I will not command you to leave me, Rin." Sesshomaru's voice penetrated her veil. "You are more mine than any other being has ever been. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Sesshomaru-sama," Rin said, mechanically. She did not need to be reminded that he had marked her as his property that night.

"No," replied Sesshomaru, "you do not." He reached his hand forward to touch her, but then withdrew it. Instead, he continued, "Raise your eyes and look at me, Rin. We will not have this conversation again."

Rin did so, brushing her hair from her face and pushing out her chin proudly. "Yes, Sesshomaru-sama," she replied, sensing the importance of what surely would be a final exchange between them. Tears began to slip from her eyes.

Sesshomaru did not acknowledge the tears, but continued to speak. The speech in itself was strange coming from her stolid, still master, almost always a man—a demon—of few words. "Jaken follows me because he wishes to. I have had no other adherent until Tenseiga returned you to life and bound you to me as a child. But hear me, Rin: you were bound anew when I marked you…in ways you cannot comprehend."

Rin nodded, mesmerized by his eyes and his voice if traumatized by his words, reminding her of her shame and his deed. The tears still formed, but she neither wiped them nor looked away. She longed to feel a warmth or softness coming from him as he calmly declared her his claimed possession, but that was a wish for something as impossible as being able to stop herself from breathing.

After a long pause, Sesshomaru said simply, "I wish you to understand, Rin."

Rin did wipe her eyes then, drawing her arm across them hastily to clear them. She looked intently at Sesshomaru. He had never explained himself before, had never expressed a desire to have her know his intentions or motivations. His tone and expression did not alter, but in his words was hope. Quietly, Rin replied, "Then I will do my best to understand, Sesshomaru-sama."

Sesshomaru nodded, and as he did, Rin could have sworn she saw pleasure in his eyes. Had her words pleased him? With all her heart she hoped so. Though she had come to fear him since that night, she had not stopped loving him. And his declaration that he wished her to understand him was a gift she would treasure always, even if he abandoned her after this day.

"Rin, I was wrong to mark you as I did. I could not bear the scent of another on your body, but I could have sent you away instead. I did not. I gave in to weakness in myself that night. This is why I must allow you to leave me now. You are evidence of my weakness, the giving in to animal instincts that lessen me."

Rin's face flushed at these words. So, she was not only a marked object but a hindrance! She would go. That moment. And never look back. She would not remain, knowing she was the slightest encumbrance to the greatness of Lord Sesshomaru! She rose and spoke to his seated form, though his eyes did not rise to meet hers. "I did not know, Sesshomaru-sama. Believe me. Had I suspected that I might ever be a detriment to you, I would have left immediately. Forgive me, please, and know that if you ever have need of me—though of course you will not—my life is at your command." She bent to retrieve her staff, then began to walk away.

Sesshomaru remained seated, unmoving, his eyes looking out through the glade, the sunlight dappling the grass and the wind cool and crisp through his hair. Rin paused to look back at him, one final time, her magnificent master, her savior, and, however, painfully and tragically, her lover.

And then it struck her: he was not saying what she thought he was saying. She had not comprehended at all. It was not an accusation but a confession. Sesshomaru had bonded _himself_ to her that night. He had given up control and taken her, yes. But he, too, would suffer now if she left him. He had opened himself up to her that one beautiful night, its memory nearly obliterated by the more recent and painful experience, that night when he had let her kiss his lips and hold his shaft in her hand and her mouth, had stroked her hair and let her sleep at his side. That night had meant more even to him than to her, more because while she gave her heart, he surrendered his will.

Returning to Sesshomaru, Rin bowed low. "I understand now, Sesshomaru-sama. Truly, I do. And I wish to stay with you. Whatever may come." She came to her knees and laid her head upon his thigh. He did not move.

"I will never take you that way again, Rin." It was both promise and confession. "You will not be harmed by me or by any other."

Rin nodded into his robes, eyes closed, treasuring his vow, trusting him entirely once again. And she thought to herself, _Perhaps there are other ways, Sesshomaru-sama. Perhaps…_


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: First-time experiment with Sesshoumaru POV.

Coming of Age

Chapter 7

I am certain she thinks it was a dream. And that is acceptable, perhaps best for now.

She dreams a lot, I know. I have often watched her sleep—eyelids fluttering, a moan or sometimes a tiny squeal in her throat. I do not wake her: there is nothing I can do. Dreaming, this human malady, is something from which I do not suffer. But she does. She tells Jaken the details. I listen. Sometimes it is the wolf pack, again, tearing her child flesh. Sometimes there is fire all around her and she cannot see or reach me. She has awakened screaming more than once. But, of course, there is more than one kind of suffering. Sometimes she holds my hand and flies with me through the night sky, only to wake and be earthbound. And, occasionally, she relives that night when I marked her as mine. She shakes, sweats, twitches. She cries.

I was weak. I failed her. Yet I could do no other than I did. And I have told her that. It was not easy to do so—the son of the Great Dog Demon confessing weakness to a human that is little more than a child. But she is bound to me, and I am bound to her. Unlikely and unwise as our bond may be, I must protect her, and she must trust me.

She does not tell Jaken about that dream. That is one way I know it is of me and that night that she dreams. I also know because when she wakes from it she curls onto her side and wraps her arms around herself, whispering, "I forgive you, Sesshomaru-sama," over and over. I can hear her; I can smell her sweat and her tears.

Last night, though, she did not wake quickly. The dream did not end, and she was wracked with it. I saw what I had done to her in her sleeping body's struggles, and I could stand no more of it. Though we must all walk our own paths, we must also take responsibility for our actions. I went to her, sat before her, and called her name softly. She calmed, quieted, woke. It was dark, a moonless night. She could not see me, but she knew me in an instant. As I know her by scent, so she now knows me. And her need and her scent called to me.

"Sesshomaru-sama," she whispered. The aroma of fear dissipated, borne away on the night wind, and was replaced by that of desire. I breathed it in. She shivered. Yes, I vowed I would never again take her as I had done that night, but she was mine. I would have her. Her scent had always attracted me, but as a leader is drawn to his pack. Since the night she had touched her lips to mine, though, her scent had changed. And since I had claimed and marked her, I did not want to control myself. Such is it with inuyokai. A rash choice and action. I should have been stronger. But I was not, and I do not live in the past. I rose and crouched over her body, my senses intoxicated. She tensed.

Immediately, I drew back. I sat on my heels at her feet, looking down at her. No, I would not frighten her again. I would not be the cause of additional nightmares. If I was to claim her body again, I knew, it was my obligation first to put her at ease, to lead and inspire her to follow, to submit, to give herself freely to me.

Gently, I reached my hand between her legs and spread them. I could sense tension but no fear. There was curiosity, too. And always her need for me. Had that not been so strong in her, I would have sent her away after that night, marked or not. I brought my mouth to nestle where her thighs met. The heady aroma overwhelmed me, made me stiff and ravenous. Determined not to harm her, I moved slowly, pressing my face to her and gently parting her with my nose and mouth. Careful of my fangs, I lapped at the soft wetness of her. Long strokes brought gentle moans from her, and soon she was raising her hips to urge me on. I controlled my desire to exchange my cock for my tongue, and continued to please her. She whispered my name and arched into my mouth's embrace. I thrust my tongue inside her and she rode it. She wanted me inside her as much as I wanted to be there. But I knew she was not truly ready. Instead, I brought first one then two fingers in place of my tongue, and stroked inside her, while I lapped again where she swelled and opened to me. I reveled in her body's need. As she peaked, her small frame shook with the power of her release, and I devoured her rich essence—her taste and smell and feel. I did not release her for many long moments and her pleasure expanded and extended at my touch.

When at last I withdrew my fingers and mouth, she let out a long, soft sigh. "Dream peacefully now, Rin," I told her, and soon she was again asleep.

I took to the sky and settled on a rock that jutted out from the mountainside on which we camped. I centered my mind and calmed my overwrought senses. Her scent was everywhere in the night air, and I breathed it in gratefully while she rested. I was strong again, and I would stay strong.

Yes. Rin is mine and I will claim her truly, when she is ready.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Formerly the first chapter of "Withholding."

Coming of Age

Chapter 8

As far as she was able, Rin acted normally around Sesshomaru. When he ordered her to scout ahead for danger as he rested, she obeyed, with the same crisp "Yes, Sesshomaru-sama" she always gave. And when he asked her whether she needed to see a healer after she had slept on a nest of stinging ants and woke with a rear as red as a demon's eyes, she was polite in her simultaneous refusal of help and expression of gratitude for his concern. Never mind that she knew her scouting was to make her feel appreciated and not because it was needed. And she could not complain if he overreacted to a few insect bites. That was simply life as usual since he'd become the "Great Guilt Yokai" after forcing himself on her more than a season ago. True, she was more comfortable around him since the nightmares had been coming less frequently. In fact, it had been a full cycle of the moon since she had awakened, sobbing, from dreams of her face pressed into cold earth as she was savaged by a horde of faceless demons with flowing white hair. No, she had been free of such night terrors since last new moon, when she had dreamt of Sesshomaru coming to her and healing her with his lips and his cool, wet tongue. She blushed at the thought, then steeled her mind against such fantasies. After all, it was not in dreams that Sesshomaru could truly harm or heal her.

There was nothing to complain of, she reminded herself as she wreathed Jaken's bald scalp with a ring of beautiful pink anemones(1). Why he suffered her ridicule, she did not know, but it gave them both pleasure, she was sure. He was the indulgent elder brother she had never had. And he had taught her much about using her staff, even though he would not let her toy with the nintojo since the time she had set fire to his hat. If he was her brother, then Sesshomaru was her father. That is, until she came to feel something more, something different for him. Still her protector, always, their relationship had become so impossibly difficult since she had initiated more than a master-servant—or even a parent-child—relationship with him. She had kissed him, and that had started it all. He would never have wanted more than her obedience and companionship. She had pushed for more and he had acquiesced—heaven knew why—and now…well, everything was her fault.

"Rin, if you have finished decorating my head, go and find yourself a new whetstone to sharpen your knife with. You are too careless with the stones I find for you, and I am certain your weapon is dull and useless by now."

"Yes, Jaken-sama," she answered with a smile, dropping one left-over blossom into his lap. The scolding was comforting to her, and she sought comfort now like a sapling seeks the sunlight.

Sesshomaru was nowhere to be found, and that was probably for the best. He was cold around her, though she was perhaps the only being in the world who could distinguish between his moods. To Jaken, he was simply Lord Sesshomaru, proud and imperious. To most others, he was purely dangerous. Only Rin saw him as a creature of many moods, however subtle they sometimes were. She shivered, only in part because a breeze was shimmering through her thick black hair as she sorted through rocks at the side of a river. Sometimes his moods were not subtle at all. Would that he could express affection as deeply as he could express possession. But then, she reminded herself, he would not be Sesshomaru; and it was, above all, Sesshomaru whom she loved.

She began to toss stones into the river to divert herself. She tested her arm, seeing how far she could throw them. Could she make it across the river's full width? It was not a very wide river, and she felt sure of success. She grasped a palm-sized rock, cocked back her arm, and threw. The attempt was a failure, but not far off. So, she gritted her teeth and put everything she had into the next one, raising her arm high and reaching as far behind her as she could for the wind-up.

Sesshomaru caught her wrist, just before the back of her hand would have struck him in the face. Rin cried out in surprise and turned to face her captor. Sesshomaru released her wrist immediately, as if it had burned him. Rin winced at his reaction. "Forgive me, Rin." There was so much in those words, but there was even more in their disease with one another. "I did not mean to frighten you," he continued.

"Oh! I didn't hear you behind me," Rin said, trying to make her voice as careless and airy as she could. "Your approach is always so silent, Sesshomaru-sama."

Sesshomaru gave a small nod and a grunt of assent.

"I do my best to learn from you, but I don't think I'll ever be able to be as stealthy." Rin forced a laugh. "I always step on a twig or a dead leaf or—but you know I have surprised Jaken-sama a few times! Why only two days ago he was washing out his garments and I—" Something in Sesshomaru's eyes silenced her. She tried to recover her thoughts, but could not. She stammered out an apology and fell to her knees. She buried her face in her hands and began to sob.

"Rin," Sesshomaru commanded simply, his voice the epitome of power and control.

Rin obeyed, or tried her best to. She labored to catch her breath, she sat up, but she could not raise her eyes.

"Is it time for you to leave me, Rin?" he asked in evenly, emotionlessly.

Rin gasped. Her heart pounded. _No_, she screamed inside her mind, _never! _But she did not say this aloud. She forced herself to be still. She understood the question. Sesshomaru knew she was unhappy. He was saying he could not make her happy. He was going to send her away. She felt her blood rushing in her ears. She willed her heart not to break. She drew her hands into tight fists and squeezed her eyes shut. She held her breath. She said nothing.

"Rin?" Sesshomaru repeated, his tone rising, almost imperceptibly, to one of concern.

She would not answer. She would not look at him. If she held still enough, wished hard enough, this would not be happening. He would not have asked her to go. She would never have kissed him. She would never have visited Kikyo. He would never have had to take her the way he did.

"Rin," Sesshomaru called, once more, and it was an order this time.

Instantly, she lifted her eyes to his. He stood there, beautiful and remote, proud and inaccessible: unreadable, unknowable, unattainable. And as she faced him, faced this about him, suddenly, something within Rin broke. She roared with all the might in her small body, tears streaming down her face: "Damn you, Sesshomaru! Damn you for saving my life! Damn you for protecting me! Damn you for being more desirable than anyone has a right to be! Damn you for wanting me to leave—and damn you for being able to let me leave when I never want to be without you!" She turned to run.

Before she had gotten even a step, Sesshomaru was blocking her path. He took her by the shoulders and held her, firmly but gently, when she tried to go around him. "Rin," he said again. She loathed the sound of it. She was tired of being Rin, tired of him summoning her, tired of everything. "Breathe, Rin, just breathe."

Despite herself, she obeyed. And something came to her: an aroma, almost an aura, one that filled and permeated her every fiber. It was a smell so familiar as to be unnoticeable, yet so rich and comforting that she could not believe she had ever lived, could ever live without it. It left her feeling warm and loved beyond reason. "Is that you, Sesshomaru?" she asked, omitting the honorific for the first time.

Sesshomaru nodded, and released her. "I have been fighting to withhold it from you. I have not wanted to overwhelm you with my need. If you cannot trust me, if you cannot bear my touch again, Rin, you must be free from me. There is too much desire, too much warmth in you to be bound against your will or out of duty. You are not yokai, you are not inu. You do not live as I do. And you must choose your own path." Sesshomaru took a deep breath, no doubt breathing in her scent as she did his. "But before you did so, I wanted you to sense me, truly, just once, and to know that letting you leave will be the hardest thing I have ever done."

Rin was astonished at the outpouring of words, so opposite to what she had expected to hear. She threw herself into Sesshomaru's arms and buried her face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her fast.


	9. Chapter 9

Coming of Age

Chapter 9

In her inescapably adolescent way and despite all evidence to the contrary, Rin decided everything would change the day Sesshomaru exposed his need and embraced her. But did she truly believe it? In less than a year's time, they had gone through so very much together. Pleasure, pain, and something else—something more, that blurred the boundaries and reached beyond them, a kind of exquisite anguish that Rin chided herself for wallowing in each night before she finally fell asleep. That anguish wove a thorned vine around her heart and squeezed it hard, but it also wrapped her in a spell of devotion that bloomed, like a rose, from the richness of her youthful emotions and the zeal for life that her love for Sesshomaru gave her. The dance of intimacy with Sesshomaru was infinitely more intricate than childish games of "he loves me, he loves me not" and far more complex than her life could possibly have prepared her for. Yet, concluded Rin decisively as she lay by the fire—watching her silver-haired Lord sleep a dozen paces away—their bond was necessarily richer and more powerful because it was so difficult.

To test herself, she posed the question of whether she ever longed for those more innocent days, when Sesshomaru was a perfect and untouchable father-god, a champion of mythic proportions, a heroic master to serve unquestioningly her whole life through. The thorns dug into her heart. No. She could never wish for less than she had now. Even the worst of it had brought her to this place in herself, this deeper sense of need and purpose. She breathed in deeply and smelled Sesshomaru in the air, reinforcing her conclusion. The past three nights had been almost sleepless for her, unable as she was not to constantly inhale the almost palpable aura of Sesshomaru. He had withheld his need then unleashed it as his kind did, or perhaps as only he could do. He had let her sense his love, since he could not express it as she could. But saying "I love you" came so easily to Rin. How could she not cherish all the more his unique form of declaration: the releasing of the inimitable scent of a daiyokai who had been marked for life by one girl's first intimate touch? Oh, that kiss. She ran her finger gently along her bottom lip. So long ago now, and as yet unrepeated. Nothing could compare with the embrace of three days before, of course. It made her feel reassured, secure, complete. But it also seemed to move them backwards, into a father-daughter love. As deeply as she cherished that bond and though she would have given her life for even a fragment of that warmth, she pined for more.

Even that wretched night when he had taken and marked her so cruelly had lost its sharp edges over time and had become fodder for romanticized fantasy. If it could be like that now, Rin projected, with her knowing Sesshomaru as she now did, with the essence of his love permeating her senses with every breath she took, then how good it would be. No matter how rough, no matter how little warmth, no matter if he left her side the moment his satisfaction was complete—it would be enough; it would be everything. She fought within herself for this to be true, even as her eyes filled with tears. She was lying to herself. She knew it. And Sesshomaru probably knew it to. She sat up and fixed her gaze fully on him. With a look of burning intensity, she willed him to open his eyes and face her. Is this how it would always be, her mute stare demanded, this deep desiring ache without the reprieve of even a single kiss?

Sesshomaru's golden eyes opened, and he fixed her within their commanding depths. Rin flinched, dropped her head forward, and let her long hair cascade around her face.

"Do not hide from me, Rin."

Rin's heart beat hard and fast in her chest. Why could she follow him during the day with ease, but each night was such a torment? Why was she desperate for him to see her, to turn that molten gaze upon her, but then could not bear the way he scorched her soul with his look? Why could they not breach this impasse, despite having confessed—in their own ways—their commitment and desire for one another? Rin raised her eyes. She reminded herself to breathe deeply, for Sesshomaru's eyes were not the window to his soul, his scent was. His scent that had been transformed for her, because of her.

"What is it, Rin?" he asked, without emotion.

Rin rose, walked to him. His rich essence grew stronger as she advanced upon his seated form. He looked up at her in silence, watching. She sat on her heels before him but did not bow her head. Instead, she spoke, quietly and as confidently as her love and desire could make her: "Touch me, Sesshomaru."

The inuyokai did not move for long, agonizing moments. Rin urged him on with her soul, and hoped it came through in her scent or her eyes or some part of her that could reach him. He seemed to be studying her. Then, in a delicate, fluid movement, he reached forward and placed his hand on her cheek. His thumb stroked her skin tenderly. Rin pressed her face into his palm and shut her eyes. Sesshomaru exhaled audibly, and Rin wondered what he was thinking. But she would not ask. No: neither his impassive face nor his words could tell her what she needed to know, and in this moment, even his possessive, pervasive scent could not. Only his touch could assure her that he desired her as deeply as she desired him. Feeling she was offering up all of her hopes for future happiness in one small gesture, Rin leaned forward and parted her lips. She had the sensation of being suspended in midair, poised for free fall, and Sesshomaru would either catch her or let her plummet.

All at once, she was overwhelmed with sensation. His hand was in her hair, pulling her close, and those soft, inhumanly cool lips were upon hers. She kissed him fervently, passionately, and he met her need and desire with what she was certain was an equal fervor of his own. She felt she was being tasted, savored, enjoyed—and not by a predator or a dispassionate owner, but by a lover, as eager to know her as she was to know him. He parted her lips with his tongue, and she felt herself opened to him anew, vulnerable and precious yet heavy with need. She let him savor her mouth, explore it, and then offered the same, lavishing attention upon him until they met in a perfect exchange of wet, warm, beautiful sensation.

Easily, his arm cradled her and laid her back without breaking the kiss. He poised his body over hers, but kept his weight from her. She could sense his commitment to a pleasure that would be entirely reciprocal, that would invoke the past only as it led them to this consensual bliss. They kissed with increasing vigor until Rin felt near to swooning. All her blood seemed to have rushed to her head. She wondered if she could die from a kiss.

Separating from her as gently as he could, Sesshomaru sat back and parted Rin's robes, exposing her small high breasts. He brought his mouth to them, letting his lips roam the soft, pale flesh. The kisses aroused and heightened her senses, as did the tickle of the mokomoko's fur; her nipples tingled and tightened to small, erect buds before he had even touched them. And when he did touch them, flicking his tongue across first one then the other, she could not help but moan and arch her back wantonly. Sesshomaru took immediate advantage of her position, wrapping his arm beneath her and pulling her into his mouth with dexterous passion. He fed voraciously, sucking each nipple intently, drawing out Rin's pleasure with expert skill. Rin let her head fall back languidly, and her hair spilled in a silken pool beneath her. She whimpered and he sucked harder in response, then drew his teeth gently across each pebbled tip. Rin gasped and Sesshomaru swallowed the small sound and her very breath in a devastating kiss.

When he released her, it was again to offer more. He laid her gently back and sat beside her, his elegant fingers beginning to remove the obi that kept her kimono fastened. Only a few seconds of frustrated effort resulted in a predictable impatience, and Sesshomaru reached out his claws to nimbly slash it open without touching Rin's flesh. Yet Rin pulled away instantly. Almost without thought, she tucked her knees and turned onto her side. A sound came from Sesshomaru's throat but was cut off abruptly. She felt him there, very still, at her side. He neither touched her nor walked away. Rin lay, curled away from him, and breathed. She reached out with her senses and felt the fear, and knew it did not come from a threat projected by him. The scent that rose from Sesshomaru was urgent but not dangerous. It was not precisely protective but it was warm and it was right.

Slowly, she turned back to her lover, and relaxed her body again. Her now unbelted kimono parted of its own accord, and Sesshomaru stared down at the naked form before him. Rin blushed at the intensity of his gaze, but she did not attempt to cover herself or turn away. He bent forward to draw his cool, wet tongue over her, from her navel to her throat, leaving her shivering and longing for more. She smiled and reached her hand to touch his flat-muscled chest. He closed his eyes and let her caress him for a moment, then seemed to come to a decision and rose fully before her. He kept his eyes on hers as he removed his robe, which was tied loosely with his sash. The garment fell and he stood before her, his pale body radiant and slender in the moonlight, his mokomoko a furred halo across his broad, slim shoulders. Rin was awestruck.

She waited for him to come to her, to press his body to hers, to enter her and bring them both to the heights of pleasure she had longed for since she sampled her own delights with Priestess Kikyo those many months before. He stood, proud and controlled, and she knew, suddenly, that he awaited her invitation. With a maturity and composure far beyond her years, Rin spoke, "Come to me, my beautiful Lord Sesshomaru," and parted her legs in welcome.

It was as Sesshomaru positioned himself between Rin's thighs that they heard Jaken's bloodcurdling scream.


	10. Chapter 10

Coming of Age

Chapter 10

At the sound of Jaken's cry, Sesshomaru rose, as elegantly fluid in his desertion of Rin's body as he was in the claiming of it. He closed his robe, fastened his sash, and ran fleetly to Jaken's defense. Rin still lay, legs and lips parted, and barely had time to gasp in shock before Sesshomaru was gone, as if she had dreamed the intimacy between them. No matter that her skin was still alive with remembered touch, that her nipples were still tender from his teeth, that her belly was still wet from his tongue's soft trail. Sesshomaru had vanished because Jaken was crying out in horror. She gathered her wits, reached for her staff, ignored her unbelted garment, and ran.

She saw before she arrived at the scene the enormous long-taloned claw holding the terrified Jaken in its grip. Sesshomaru had already vaulted into the air and was slashing at the creature with his poisoned claw attack when she appeared. The enemy was an enormous bird of brilliant orange and crimson plumage. It seemed almost aflame with noble power and striking beauty. Sesshomaru's assaults kept the creature from taking off with Jaken. As Rin arrived, it reached out with its second clawed foot to grasp Sesshomaru, too. Rin could not use her weapon unless the creature touched ground, but, thinking quickly, she reached into the campfire and grasped a burning log to lob at the beast to distract it. Who knew if fire would damage something that seemed almost made of flame itself, but it was all she could think of. She aimed for a wing, her best chance at not hitting Jaken by mistake or getting in the way of Sesshomaru's strikes. "Suzaku!" Sesshomaru hailed as slashed again.

As Rin reached her arm back to throw, she was suddenly surrounded by flames. She dropped the log as she was swept into a vortex of swirling fire. It swiftly encircled her and held her caged. She could not see through the blazing tornado of color and light to learn who had projected it. She marveled that her body was not burned, and tried to reach her hand through the eddy to escape. It scorched her and she withdrew quickly. "Sesshomaru-sama," she called out, like a prayer. There was nothing to do now but wait for her Lord to free her.

Sesshomaru turned to see Rin swallowed up in flames. "Rin!" he shouted, and found himself caged by Suzaku's outstretched claw for his momentary distraction. The bird flapped its mighty wings and hovered, as Sesshomaru's nemesis Kyura, whom he had thought long dead, appeared behind the fiery whirlwind, tittering. "You may release them now, Suzaku," said the War God, lightly. "My Crimson Demon Fan attack has safely entrapped the prey I seek."

Jaken fell from the claw, cursing Kyura, Suzaku, and his own impotence, and landed with a thump on the ground. Sesshomaru caught himself easily as he fell and landed gracefully on his slender feet.

Suzaku vanished in a ball of fire while Kyura tucked his large fan into the armor on his back, an arrogant smile on his face.

"Kyura," hailed Sesshomaru, dispassionately. "I see you have returned from the dead so that I may enjoy the pleasure of destroying you yet again."

Kyura's tenor laugh rang through the trees. "It is true I have resurrected myself, Sesshomaru, with the aid of Suzaku, the Fire Elemental of the South. And now your human shall help me grow stronger still."

"Kill him, Sesshomaru-sama! Force him to release Rin! And then do not let him live a moment longer!" enthused Jaken, gesticulating wildly. Three small firebirds flew from Kyura's fingertips and took off after Jaken. The tiny yokai ran, screaming as his backside was singed by first one and then another.

"Cease this foolishness, Kyura, and return Rin at once. She has no power you can make use of, and it is I, Sesshomaru, against whom you seek revenge."

Kyura's smile grew. "This is true, inuyokai. I have come for vengeance against you for my defeat and for your part in destroying the power of the Four Gods of the Mystic Island. But when I chanced to see you about to mate with that pathetic human, I altered my plan. I presume you would not have been so disgustingly gentle with her if it were not the first time, so she is without child. She is now mine and I will achieve retribution against you through her."

"Feed my hunger for your annihilation by explaining yourself, Kyura."

"With pleasure. It took me ten years to regenerate enough to summon Suzaku, and nearly a year to regain my form and full War God power with his help. Now, I will mate with your pitiful human female and she will bear my hanyo offspring. Then, I will destroy her. In another ten years time, when the hanyo child is sufficiently grown, I will drink its power and grow even more powerful. And now, most feeble Lord Sesshomaru, I take my leave." With a final tinkling chuckle, Kyura vanished, along with the fiery tornado that held Rin inside.

"Rin must be rescued, Sesshomaru-sama!" squawked Jaken. Then, looking at his master's eyes, which had suddenly grown blood red, he fell silent.

"Ryura will not touch my mate," Sesshomaru growled, launching himself into the sky.

- - - - -

Author's Note on Ryura and Suzaku: I recently rewatched the fourth _Inuyasha_ movie, "Fire on the Mystic Island," and recalled how much I enjoyed the show's villains, the "Four War Gods," Ryura, Gora, Jura, and Kyura. Ryura was a hottie blue bi-shonen babe, and Gora the war turtle shooting balls of energy like a cannon from its shell was a Gamera-of-the-sea hoot. But Sesshomaru's opponent, the extremely fey, auburn-haired, green-lipsticked fire demon Kyura (reminded me a bit of the moth demon Gatenmaru in femme personality and prettiness), was too tempting not to resurrect. If you haven't seen the film, the four brothers kept their power up by devouring hanyo they kept marked and trapped on their island. Sesshomaru destroyed Kyura, but nothing is forever in fantasy, so I brought him back, with the help of a kindred elemental I decided to introduce into the _Inuyasha_ world, the Vermillion Bird, a Chinese fire elemental called "Suzaku" by the Japanese. (I think Sesshomaru would be proud of me for trying to be creative rather than just writing the romance bits [however lame the fight is]!)


	11. Chapter 11

Coming of Age

Chapter 11

Kyura was traveling fast. It took intense concentration for Sesshomaru to keep the so-called War God's sharp scent in range, a smell like burning leaves that singed his nostrils. He could barely detect Rin's aura now, and its absence hit him bodily. He forced himself to calm. He would not transform; it would give Kyura far too much credit as an adversary if he was to take his true form now. No, it was not Kyura's threats but the ache at Rin's absence that had begun the process. He growled, annoyed that marking her was resulting in such complications. But she had been a complication in his life since they had met. He would conquer all obstructions to his control; he had always done so. He willed his red eyes to return to their usual molten gold, shut out his discomfort, and fixed his mind on Kyura.

Kyura would not be allowed to harm Rin. Sesshomaru could never lose to such a conceited fool, one whose power was based on Suzaku's gift and feeding on others. Inferior beings though hanyo were, it galled Sesshomaru to think of a creature so weak as to harvest and live off of their essences. It was like that charlatan Kikyo. She kept herself animate by devouring human souls; a weak, unworthy existence. But he would not let the remembrance of Rin's betrayal in seeking the Priestess' advice and intimate attentions distract him. Rin was his, now and for the rest of her life. She recognized his worth, his right to her body and soul. Thus, even as their bond caused unexpected challenges, so it also instilled him with even greater awareness of his own strength.

_Lineage bestows true power,_ he mused, sniffing the air and changing his direction by a few degrees to keep Kyura's in his olfactory sights. _Yet, the devotion of others can reflect and enhance it_. The image of Rin lying before him, open to him, came forcefully to mind. From protector to possessor, he could not help but desire to claim her. Already, as the eldest born of the Great Dog Demon and his inuyokai mother, Sesshomaru was a daiyokai of great stature. Marking Rin had helped him feel that even more fully. By contrast, Kyura was a weak pretender, a fraud. So, he would lose to Sesshomaru, whether they fought once, twice, or a thousand times. And this fake would not be allowed to harm Rin. His heart raced. Rin was his by right and by merit. He would reclaim her unscathed. His determination reaffirmed, Sesshomaru forged ahead, and soon began to gain ground.

The small island where Kyura landed appeared suddenly from beyond a cliff's edge. A mere spit of land—befitting its weak resident—it rested not far from a sandy shore and was easily reached. As Sesshomaru descended, he used his nose to search for Rin. He could smell her now, so she must have been released from Kyura's magical fire. Rin wore his scent like a flag, and exuded her own unique aroma that drew him powerfully. He felt such pride that she was thus marked, even though, as a human, she might never be able to fully fathom the greatness of the honor he did her. He turned his mind forcibly from such thoughts and called out: "Face me, Kyura, and die again."

He heard Kyura's grating laugh before he saw his ornately fashioned foe. "Ah, so I shall have to defeat you before I bed your human, Sesshomaru? It suits me well enough. The spoils will be the sweeter if she must watch you die before she meets her fate. And fear not, inuyokai: I am certain I will satisfy her needs far better than you ever could. Who would be taken by a dog when there is a God at hand?" He gestured behind him and Sesshomaru saw Suzaku, holding Rin caged within his folded wings.

"Do you think your taunts affect me, weakling? The human is my possession and I will reclaim what is mine. That is all."

"Ha!" Kyura jeered. "She is your mate, Sesshomaru, and it is you who is therefore the weakling! When I fill her with my seed it will be for my glory, not out of some pitiful mortal-like affection. Can you say the same?"

"More: Her body and soul are mine because she submits willingly to me. I possess her entirely. I need not force her or trap her like you, Kyura!"

Sesshomaru heard Rin's gasp and his name invoked in her dismayed whimper. Her emotions hit him like a blow. He turned a hard glance at her, and then turned quickly away, fighting off the impulse to rush to her side. What mattered now was not her feelings but her safety, and that meant defeating Kyura. He closed his mind and aura to her and launched himself at his boasting foe, slashing out with his claws as Kyura put up a barrier of fire to hold him back. The shield could not hold Sesshomaru, and he burst through it, raking his claws along Kyura's face as he flew by. He did little actual damage, but Kyura screamed as though mortally wounded.

"Defiler!" he shrieked. "How dare you attempt to mar my godly visage!" He raised his crimson fan and shot a torrent of swirling fire at his nemesis. Sesshomaru unsheathed Bakusaiga and met the fire attack with his sword's own demonic thrust. The glow of Bakusaiga's aura clashed in the air with the flood of red-orange fire from Kyura's fan. The competing energies crackled and spat, and Sesshomaru began to press ahead to close the gap between himself and Kyura so he could strike him down. Kyura let himself be moved backwards a short distance, clearly seeking to maintain the ranged attack.

Rin watched in anguished silence. Though the battle was tense, she had no fears that Sesshomaru was the superior fighter, the superior being. He would certainly defeat Kyura and Suzaku and free her. Yet, she could no longer hold onto her illusion that their relationship was more than that of master and slave. Her heart clenched as she searched in vain for his comforting scent in the air. It had vanished after he had uttered those harsh words, claiming her not as mate but property. And she felt suddenly that she had always known that conquest was at the heart of everything for her indomitable Lord. He had always had ambition for power and control, and she had always—or until very recently—been content to live as a testament to that power, a willing and devoted vassal to the yokai who had brought her back from the dead and protected her since that day. Yet, hadn't the past year proved that she could be more to him? Always a mere human, but at least an obedient companion to soothe his wounded body and spirit when they needed soothing. Why had she been so foolish and so greedy as to hope for more? She wanted his heart. Rin closed her eyes and remembered his gentle embrace, the feel of his lips on hers, his mouth on her body. All was so quickly transformed, so obvious now to her adolescent mind as the casual attentions of a daiyokai so far above her that it was all just a game, additional evidence for a bored master of her submission and his absolute power. The truth of Sesshomaru's soul was in his words to Kyura. And her crushed young heart flew to a conclusion that seemed perfectly logical as she watched the demons battle: of the two, it was Kyura who was ultimately the more honest. He would use and destroy her, force her to bear a child and then devour its soul, but he did not pretend otherwise. However, even as the thought formed, she began to cry and hide her eyes. She was overwhelmed with guilt for her treasonous thoughts. It could not be true that Sesshomaru saw her only as chattel. She begged aloud to be returned to the innocence of unconditional obedience and absolute worship. Let her forget everything that had happened since she tore the arrow from his arm. Let him be again her infallible, mythic hero, Lord Sesshomaru—and nothing more. This confusion was unbearable. She inhaled in deeply, frantically longing to smell and feel him again, to know what was real. Why had he withdrawn from her? She struggled to resist the cold reality of his dispassionate dominance. The world grew again as bleak and terrible as it had been when she was a tortured and abandoned child, bereft and mute, before Sesshomaru had come into her life, resurrected her, and given her existence meaning; before he had marked her and revealed in his scent the depth of his need for her. She wrapped her arms around her knees, let her hair fall over her face, and anxiously awaited her fate.

Sesshomaru locked eyes with Kyura and pressed his advantage. He was almost within striking range. Kyura responded to Sesshomaru's proximity with a change in strategy. Turning his head, he commanded Suzaku: "Kill the human!"

In the blink of a tawny eye, Sesshomaru used his opponent's inattention to shift to his left, disengage Bakusaiga, and bring it slashing down to sever Kyura's outstretched arm. The limb and the fan it held tumbled to earth as Kyura howled with rage. He vaulted himself at Sesshomaru, but, with neither weapon nor demonic attack, Sesshomaru easily raised Bakusaiga and ripped through Kyura's body, from one shoulder to the opposite hip, directly through his heart. Kyura flared and began to dissipate as Sesshomaru sheathed his sword. The inuyokai turned and plunged down to Rin, still held captive between Suzaku's mighty wings.

Before Sesshomaru could speak, however, Suzaku released her. Whatever the relationship between Kyura and Suzaku had been, the Firebird apparently had no loyalty to a dead War God and no adversarial agenda of his own. Sesshomaru watched as the majestic creature spread its multihued, flaming wings and ascended into the heavens with a scorching cry. Sesshomaru let him go. Then he turned to Rin, who remained sitting, head forward, hugging her shins.

"Rin," Sesshomaru hailed her. "Are you injured?"

For long moments, she did not move. Sesshomaru was standing right before her and still she felt alone. She came to her knees and pressed her head to her hands at his feet. "Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama," she pronounced, each syllable sticking in her throat. She should be grateful he had saved her, always grateful to her lord and master. No matter what else she had imagined there was between them.

"Rise, Rin," Sesshomaru replied, wondering why she was responding so formally. He had expected her to throw herself into his arms in gratitude. In fact, he hesitantly confessed to himself, he had desired it. Perhaps she was too traumatized. But she would soon feel safe again, and all would be as it was. He breathed in her scent and was reassured by its familiarity. "I am yours," the aroma said.

Rin came to her feet, eyes lowered. Her robe was still unfastened. Sesshomaru removed his long sash and tore off a piece so she could cover herself. He thought to wrap it himself, but her posture kept him from doing so. He held it out in his hand and she took it, hesitantly.

In time, Rin hoped it would come naturally to behave this distant way again, with total deference, to relinquish any intimacy. But as he handed her the piece of his sash she wondered, would he demand her body? Would he take her again as he did that first time? Would he gently toy with her instead? Without his aura to guide her, she was lost. As she tied her robe, she could not stop herself from looking into up his eyes for the answer. As always, they were cool, distant, and impossible to read.

"What is wrong, Rin?"

"Nothing, Sesshomaru-sama," Rin answered.

"Then let us go." Sesshomaru held out his arms. He would transport her. Rin nodded and was hoisted into his powerful embrace, then whisked into the air. The wind was crisp and made her shiver. Unable to keep herself from doing otherwise, she nestled her head into the soft fur at his shoulder, and let him take her where he would.


	12. Chapter 12

Coming of Age

Chapter 12

As they flew, Rin glimpsed the magnificence of the rising sun with jaded, tear-stained eyes. She wondered if she would ever again appreciate its splendor, or any other of life's many splendors, again. Though Sesshomaru had rescued her from imprisonment and the future of torture, exploitation, and death that Kyura had planned for her, her beloved Lord had spoken of her as an object more than even a slave, something prized because it was owned, not for any inherent value or appeal. And worse, he had punctuated this degradation with proof by withdrawing his scent from her with such apparent ease. That he could do so only proved to Rin its falsity, its artificiality; the projected aura was simply a tool of control and pacification—as if she had ever needed appeasement to devote her life to his service!

A small part of the girl fought against this spiraling despair, the way it fed on itself and denied realities she had experienced before the battle with Kyura on the tiny island. A sliver of the wisdom that comes to adults, if they are lucky, permeated her consciousness as she was cradled in Sesshomaru's strong arms. Her heart recognized how safe and warm she felt in his embrace, especially as she glanced up at his majestic profile from the corner of her eye and marveled, as always, at his unearthly beauty. He was still the one being in the world who protected and cherished her. Yes, cherished. She could not, while held so tightly and while inhaling the ghostly musk of Sesshomaru's lush, silver-furred shoulder, deny that she was cherished, if the word meant wanted, valued. One did not risk one's life for something without value; the coldly dispassionate Lord Sesshomaru certainly did not. Perhaps he did not love her—not the way she defined love with the ardor and passion of a teenaged heart—but he did care for her and he kept her from harm. The longer they soared through the morning sky together, the more that sliver of hope grew.

Abruptly, though, Sesshomaru halted their progress and touched down to earth at the side of a small, mountainside pool. He released Rin from his arms and gestured to the water. "Drink, Rin," he commanded. "Your body has been weakened by Kyura's fire and the ordeal you have been subjected to. I will gather food for you." He took a deep breath and released it then turned and walked away.

"Sesshomaru-sama," she called softly after him.

He paused and looked over his shoulder at her.

"Did Kyura harm you?" she asked, though it was not at all what she had wanted to say.

"No, Rin. I am uninjured." He waited to see if she would speak again. When she did not, he said, "I will return soon" and departed.

Rin could not summon the courage to answer. They were talking, but they were not communicating. Of course, Sesshomaru had never been one to communicate openly. It seemed against his very nature to do so. Yet, he was caring for her, as always. In fact, Rin could not remember the last time Sesshomaru had offered to gather food. The few times she had been injured or too ill to fend for herself, Jaken had been assigned to the task. But now, he was not returning her to Jaken's side and he was not demanding she care for her own needs. Weakened she might be, but she was not incapacitated. She reminded her shaky heart that this showed again that Sesshomaru did value her. And when he returned, perhaps she could try to talk to him again, maybe even to ask him about what he had said to Kyura. Humbly, head bowed, she would ask if he had meant those words or if they were (oh, please let them be) misrepresentations to keep Kyura from knowing what she truly meant to Sesshomaru. That was possible, wasn't it?

The further Sesshomaru walked from her, however, the more doubtful she again became. He was protecting his property. He cared for her only as she magnified his power. She was a symbol of his omnipotence. She was an occasional distraction in moments of boredom. He did not belong to her and never had. _Stop!_ she screamed in her mind, her body beginning to shake as she dissolved in tears. She felt dizzy and deeply afraid. It was in this state that Sesshomaru found her when he returned, at a run, hands full of berries and nuts.

"Rin," he called, scattering his bounty on the ground.

She raised her eyes, so well trained was she to obey his summons without hesitation, but she could not stop shaking and crying. "Help me, Sesshomaru-sama," she sobbed. "Take me back. Let me know you again…" She could not go on; the pain was too great.

Sesshomaru came to his knees before her, and gathered her into his arms. Why was she in this condition? Her aura cried out to his and he was here. But from what did she suffer so? He inhaled and he could sense that, although traumatized, she was still his, still clearly marked—so strongly that even a puny demon like Kyura could detect it. But he also felt her sorrow and her panic, and it began to invade him as well. It was no threat to his control, though it was unwelcome and disturbing. What caused such doubt in her? He must find the answer, and comfort her. "Rin, I am here," he offered. "I will not send you away." He hated having to articulate these things which she should know, should feel throughout her body and soul. Such declarations were repugnant to him, bitter on his tongue. And they should be unnecessary.

"Why have you rejected me as your mate?" Rin gushed. It took all of her strength to ask and left her faint and bawling like a baby in consequence. She hated being so weak.

Sesshomaru grasped her jaw and tipped her face up. His eyes bore into hers, searching for what was tormenting her so. He reached out to her with all of his senses so deep as to touch her very soul. And suddenly he knew: he had blocked his aura from her during the battle with Kyura. It remained a one-way wall between them. He could sense her but she could not reach him. Her suffering must be immense. He must heal her, comfort her. He released her chin and embraced her tightly, pressing her head to his chest and stroking her hair. "Feel my heart beating, Rin. My spirit is united with yours. Know this, Rin." As he spoke, he cursed himself for his ignorance, for failing to let down the barrier he had erected. He tore himself open to her, ripping into his own defenses like his claws through the body of an enemy. "Feel me, Rin."

Rin moaned in his arms, holding tightly to his body, her sobs calming, her heart rate slowing. She was breathing deeply of him, and he was projecting his undying commitment to her safety and happiness. How many times would he fail her? He inhaled and basked in her devotion. Though a frail and immature human, she could project such ardor. He pressed his lips to the top of her head, overwhelmed with the need to reassure his mate. She stirred and lifted her face to him again. The sight was precious to him, and he did not attempt to resist or dismiss its pull. He brought his lips to her moist eyelids, first one then the other. The tears tasted of mortality. She whimpered and invoked his name. He brought his mouth to hers, nourishing her with his yokai strength and savoring her human vitality. Her lips were soft and warm, her tongue alive with desire. Soon, he needed to deepen the contact, to match their interwoven minds with entwined bodies.

Rin was awash with sensation. Sesshomaru had overwhelmed her with his powerful aura, and she had gone from the trauma of his denial of her to the ecstasy of his overwhelming recognition. Logical thought was beyond her, but she sensed, in a realm far beyond words, that he was hers. This was no illusion even if it meant that everything else beyond it was. She kissed his lips with possessive passion and felt her heart swell as her body opened to him. His agile fingers removed her robe without breaking the kiss, and almost immediately after she felt the exquisite coolness of his bare skin upon hers. He laid her back in the soft grass with the sun shining overhead, caressing her body with his. His hand reached beneath her and pressed her hips upward, so she could feel the hard length of him between her soft, moistening folds, but not yet inside her. Rin arched heatedly into his embrace, urging on the adored object of her unqualified devotion and her inexorable passion with her every movement. No longer able to be concerned with humility or deference, she spread her legs wide and wrapped her ankles around Sesshomaru's back. Then, she reached her hands around and dug her nails into his hips. He broke the kiss in a groan of pleasure as she bucked into him until he entered and rode her with such smooth, slick sweetness that every thrust was a step into higher bliss. Rin felt reckless, driven to luscious madness by the pounding of those hips, the feel of that perfect marble shaft inside her, churning her body and her emotions with relentless yet tender force. In this position, his groin easily stroked her externally as effectively as his erection did within, and she knew she would reach climax soon.

Sesshomaru gloried in Rin's unexpected boldness. The way she dug her nails into his backside fueled his need to possess her and simultaneously to wring every drop of pleasure from her young, eager body. She smelled like the earth, like a wildfire, like a feral animal that he was taming and somehow also being transformed by. They were beasts together, running, rushing, charging to a place no others but they could reach. And as he felt and heard her crest and fly, he drove her onward, rejoicing in her triumph and her magnificence. She burst around him and he exulted in her swollen flesh, her quivering muscles, her guttural moans, her rich smell, and her tousled mind. All were his, for she was now and forever his mate, his treasure, his Rin.

As her body quieted, he forced himself to gently withdraw. He was still hard and she whimpered with regret at the loss, but she let herself be led by his actions, and soon he adjusted their bodies so she was comfortably resting at his side, her head beneath the arm he wrapped possessively around her. She awaited some comment, some explanation for his withdrawal, but it did not come.

"What happened, Sesshomaru-sama?" she asked in a small, hesitant voice.

Sesshomaru sat up and placed Rin's head in his lap. He stroked her hair rhythmically, thinking how to answer her. Like everything else that demanded words, Sesshomaru did not want to discuss what had happened. But whatever their bodies and enmeshed auras could not answer for Rin then language must. And it was his duty to explain. He looked toward the horizon, his gaze steady and level, and spoke without inflection. "I failed you, Rin…again. I hurt you when I meant to protect you. I lied to Kyura to keep him from knowing just how much he could wound me through you. And then I closed myself off from you, almost instinctively, to keep you from feeling the fullness of my rage at Kyura. I could not explain nor reassure you until the battle had finished. When you were safe, I should have lowered the barrier, but I did not. I did not realize even that I had not done so. I did not sense that you suffered from my separation from you. I should have. That having a mate is as new to me as it is to you is no excuse. I am Sesshomaru. And I am responsible for you, even more so since I have marked and claimed you as my own. If you can retain trust in me, Rin, I will strive to be worthy of it."

Rin twisted out of her reclining position and rose onto her knees to face her mate. Though nothing could have been more welcome than his gentle touch and these reassuring words of explanation (more words, she guessed, than she had ever heard him speak at once), she needed to reply. Her heart was so full, though, it was hard to find words. "I am yours, always, and you, forever, are my Sesshomaru," she murmured. Confidently, she took his porcelain face in her hands and brought her lips to his. She kissed him with all the love in her heart and projected forth the undiminished respect and immeasurable esteem in which she held—would always hold—him. He kissed her back, and she felt his commanding aura pour forth its gratitude, its dedication, and its pride.

When she released him, thrilled to her core that he had allowed her to determine the strength and duration of the embrace, it was nearly impossible to broach the topic that she knew she must still address. As much as she relished his explanation and avowal of devotion, there was another, perhaps lesser matter that concerned her. "Sesshomaru-sama," she began, feeling the honorific was the best way to show she meant no disrespect in asking him this difficult question, "why, just now, did you not…allow yourself…to be...satisfied by me?" Rin felt Sesshomaru's reluctance to offer even more words, but she knew he would.

"Rin, you are my mate. I desire not only to protect you but to possess you, bodily. The hunger burns within me to claim and reclaim you, with my hands, my mouth, my sex. Surely you feel that…"

Rin blushed.

"But Rin, though I now understand how my father could have taken a human mate, I will not have you bear a hanyo child—my hanyo child. It is repellant to me. Do you understand?"

Rin was dumbfounded, yet again. "My child would be repellant to you, Sesshomaru?"

"There will be no child!" Sesshomaru declared, in a voice more forceful than he used with any but his foes.

Frustration over her competing emotions kept Rin from responding immediately. Was she more angry, hurt, or disappointed? Did Sesshomaru mean never to allow himself release within her? Would he offer her commitment to everything but their mutual fulfillment? And why did he think that she wanted a child? She was not even contemplating such things. She wanted to learn to be a better fighter and scout, to be Sesshomaru's companion, his mate, his lover. Motherhood was nothing she had even been considering! But now, hearing him voice his hatred for humans through his disdain for hanyo turned her stomach. Did everything boil down to his loathing for his younger brother? Inuyasha had faced losing Kikyo and had moved on, had found happiness with Kagome. And they had given birth to their own child. It suddenly struck Rin: Had that poison-tipped arrow truly been fired to keep Sesshomaru from harming his half-brother's hanyo offspring? She would not believe it, she could not.

"Sesshomaru-sama," she begged. Let it not be true.

Sesshomaru's scent bespoke an impossible combination of absolute finality and profoundest need for understanding. It was more than Rin could bear. She reached within herself and brought down a barrier between them that she did not know she could even control.

Sesshomaru gasped. "Rin," he said sharply. His voice was that of a god betrayed.

Rin grabbed her robe and ran.


	13. Chapter 13

Author's Note: The final chapter of _Coming of Age_. If you crave more, please read "The Mokomoko Touch" (where we learn what Sesshoumaru's fur truly is) and "Offerings" (sugar-sweet Rin writing poetry to her Lord), and _New Beginnings_ which I began soon after this and continues today! Also see author's note below.

Coming of Age

Chapter 13

Running from Sesshomaru was, of course, pointless. Rin's eyes swam with tears that were whipped away from her face as she sprinted through the underbrush. She had no idea where she was going, but it was a flight of the heart far more than of the body. She felt Sesshomaru's aura wash over her, like ocean waves that threatened to take her under. And though her mind's mantra was "let me go," her soul's was "bring me back." She knew she could not survive if he separated himself from her again and she knew he would never accept her as his equal. But was this as much as he could give? Bellowing at her as if she were an enemy? Commanding that they would never have a child because anything produced from her body was necessarily inadequate, weak, and therefore disgusting to him?

So, she withdrew her aura. It was mostly a defensive gesture, a drawing of boundaries. But it also felt powerful, more powerful than she could ever remember being. It scared her terribly that she could actually do it. The look in his eyes and the sound of his gasp—she thought him truly incapable of feeling shock—replayed over and over again in her frenzied mind. While his reaction showed her that he, too, could be hurt, didn't she already know this? Was she just being vengeful? Immature? Self-deluding?

Would they always hurt each other, or was there a way to peace?

After only the few moments it took for these thoughts to rush through her as she fled, Sesshomaru was standing in her path, immovable and resolute. "Rin," he said, the word a command.

Rin stopped just short of running into him. She froze there but could not raise her eyes. She was panting to catch her breath. She had not realized how fast she'd been running. _Idiot_, she scolded herself. _What are you doing?_

"Lower the barrier," he ground out.

She heard the anger in his voice and felt the agitation in his soul. What should she do? She hated keeping him barred from her, but it she gave in now, what hopes were there for happiness in the future? At the same time, she could not deny that this was a futile strategy.

"Now, Rin."

She felt a rush of pain pouring from Sesshomaru into her. And she felt the way he controlled it, twisted it into anger to direct it outwards and away from his heart. He loathed being vulnerable, and she now felt that loathing, viscerally. She fell to her knees and covered her face.

He reached forward, grabbed her by the shoulder, and pulled her to her feet. "I will not ask you again, Rin" he warned.

Rin cowered in his grasp. "You promised, Sesshomaru," she wailed. "You said you would never hurt me again!" She began to shake.

"Let me in, Rin," he urged, both hands on her shoulders now. She felt his claws begin to dig into her, though he was clearly controlling himself so as not to truly harm her. In a quiet, anguished voice, he added, "Please."

Rin could take no more. She slumped into his arms, overwhelmed with his pain and her own. It was worse, even, than when he had closed himself off from her. She could feel all of what he was going through as well as her own suffering and turmoil. And there was no point to it. What the hell was she doing?

She released the barrier and threw herself at Sesshomaru's chest, sobbing. He released his claws and pressed her close, inhaling deeply. There were no words now. Neither accusation nor blame flowed between them, nor was there need of forgiveness. There was only relief and reunion, a soothing of mutually savaged hearts. Recognition triumphed over all else: they were each other's, completely. Though it hit them at the level of sensation more than rational thought, both knew that denial of this fact could only produce mutual agony.

They stayed that way, in a timeless, healing embrace, for long moments. Rin wished it could always be this way: waves of reassurance washing over her instead of pain, indecision, doubt, and conflict. Let him love her this much, this deeply, always. Without question, without judgment, without end. "Sesshomaru-sama," she breathed.

With elegant, liquid smoothness, Sesshomaru came to a sitting position and cradled Rin tenderly. She felt so safe here, secure and cherished and loved, with a depth beyond her wildest childhood fantasies. Where had all her fury, her indignation, and her rebelliousness gone? She did not know: all of life was in the present moment and in Sesshomaru's strong arms. _Just hold me close, my Sesshomaru, _she thought_, and I will never ask for more_.

"There is nothing more that I crave from you than this," Sesshomaru said, unexpectedly, echoing Rin's enraptured mind. But he continued, still holding her tightly: "Yet, there is more that must be said between us. You know this is not the way I wish to communicate, but it seems we are too different to rely only on the sensory bond of mates. And I would not have us hurt one another again."

Rin took a deep breath and sat up in Sesshomaru's lap. She turned her eyes up to his. "I am sorry I hurt you," she said, with grave sincerity.

"And I regret having driven you to it, Rin."

"I love you, Sesshomaru."

"Yet you do not accept me as I am."

"How can I, when you have such loathing for my kind?"

"I have told you, Rin. I accept and treasure you as my mate. And I desire you in a way I have never desired another living soul. That must be enough."

Rin pushed out of his arms, wanting their eyes at a level. She sat opposite and confronted him, her voice less confident than she wished it were: "What of your hatred of other humans…and of their hanyo young?"

"You speak now of Inuyasha's mate and their child."

"Do you wish them harm?"

"Why do you ask such foolish questions, Rin?"

"It's not foolish! I want to know!" Rin proclaimed, rising. Looking down at Sesshomaru's still form, she persisted: "Did you try to kill their baby? Is that how you got that arrow wound?"

Rin could feel the struggle within Sesshomaru as he remained motionless. With a powerful urgency, he wanted to rise and move away from her. To return to his usual, haughty indifference. But he did not. She wished she were not so afraid of his answer that she could not project her gratitude for at least this.

"That you suspect me of wishing harm to Inuyasha, I understand. The hanyo—my brother—and I have long fought over my father's legacy, over his manipulation of our lives from beyond the grave. I do not consider Inuyasha a worthy heir, as much for his rashness and immaturity as because he is hanyo. But my father did, preferring him over me, even, for the compassion he gets from his human mother." He reached out a hand to touch Rin's black, flowing hair. "And I understand this now, because of you."

Rin could not help but be pleased, though she did not move or speak, knowing there was far more for Sesshomaru to say to relieve her troubled mind.

Sesshomaru went on, fingering her hair as he spoke. "Since our defeat of Naraku and my attainment of true daiyokai status, Rin, I have left my brother in peace. He must live his life as I must live mine. It is not necessary that we understand one another."

She breathed in the aura of Sesshomaru's confident honesty. He was telling the truth, and it was a truth she relished. However, it was incomplete. Of that, she was certain. "Yet the arrow, Sesshomaru," she said. "As your mate, will you tell me how it happened?"

"Yes, Rin. Because you need this knowledge to be at ease with me, I will tell you. But first, sit with me again; let me hold you and calm your heart. I pledge to you that nothing I will tell you of that day will drive you from me."

Rin acquiesced. In truth, she wanted nothing more than to be held in those arms. And if he could reassure her that he meant no ill toward Inuyasha's child, toward human or hanyo—then perhaps they could work out the rest. Perhaps.

Once in his lap again, it was just as Sesshomaru had said. His aura lulled and drew her, and she could feel his comfort rise as well. How easily this could turn to passion, she grew swiftly aware, so strong was the chemical magnetism between them. Yet, with his customary control, Sesshomaru directed his energy entirely toward reassurance and calm. Rin was grateful for his power and self-command; sexual intimacy was not what they needed right now. She wrapped an arm around his small waist and curled into his embrace. He returned to gently stroking her thick ebony hair.

When he did not immediately speak again, Rin prompted him. "Sesshomaru, do you know who it was who fired the arrow?"

"Of course, Rin," Sesshomaru answered smoothly, as if he had not needed encouragement to get him talking again. "The little fox demon." He brought a strand of her hair to his lips and rubbed it against them.

Rin watched his graceful movements, awed. No matter the provocation or the threat, he was still the most magnificent being in the world.

He released her hair and spoke again. "He disguised himself as Kikyo, but such weak magic does not fool a daiyokai. I let the fool's arrow pierce me, not knowing it was dipped in a poison that could affect me. It did not occur to me he would go to such lengths. And, since I am telling you all, my mate, I add that I did not dodge the arrow because I knew he felt he was protecting Inuyasha's infant, and I should not have come so near it."

"So, you did seek them out, then? And you vow that it was not to harm the babe?"

A flicker of pain came to Rin through Sesshomaru's scent. He hated her doubts, but she had to give voice to them. Without openness and honesty, there would never be full accord between them.

"I vow to you, Rin. I did not seek to harm Inuyasha's child…or his mate."

His aura shifted again as he spoke, and Rin picked up hesitation, discomfort. Though her instinct was reassure him with words, she sought another route. Closing her eyes and breathing softly, she filled her heart with her unchecked adoration, her need for his happiness and contentment.

Sesshomaru sighed. "Even as you doubt me, you send forth such self-assured confidence in me. How can I do otherwise than confess all?" As Rin blushed, he told her the rest of what she needed to hear: "I wished to see for myself how they lived, to determine whether the human Kagome was truly happy with my hanyo brother. You see, I had begun to desire you, Rin. And though Inuyasha is my inferior, I share his need for a mate. As a hanyo, he is contented to give birth to another. I saw the satisfaction with which they live their small lives now that Naraku has been destroyed and the Shikon jewel has been purified. My life and my destiny are not so simple. Yet, my needs are in some ways the same. I observed them in secret several times, both before and after the infant was born. And I sensed their happiness. My final visit was when that kitsune attacked me. He must have spotted me on a previous occasion and had the poison prepared for my next appearance."

"It was Kikyo who made the poison for him, Sesshomaru. She did not know it would be used against you."

"She interferes too much," he said calmly, his scent belying his discomfort at Rin's mere mention of her name. "And it is Inuyasha's job to protect his mate and offspring, not the kitsune's."

"But Shippo was protecting those he cares for, Sesshomaru. Not only his own yokai mate and children, but his friends, too. Like Jaken tries to protect you."

"Jaken is my vassal, not my friend, Rin. And I need no one's protection."

Rin let the topic drop, for they were getting to the most difficult part of the conversation, and she could sense already that Sesshomaru was feeling the strain. As if in acknowledgment, he fell silent again.

"And though they were happy, you found their 'offspring' repellant?" she asked.

"I will not create a hanyo life, Rin. Do not ask me to."

"Sesshomaru," implored Rin, "Do not assume so much. I have no desire to create any life other than our own together right now. You do me wrong to presume otherwise."

"All human women desire—"

"Don't even finish that sentence!" Rin snapped. "You are speaking to me, not to 'all human women'." She mimicked his deep dispassionate voice with perfect accuracy.

Sesshomaru nearly grinned. In her sweet alto voice, his own pomposity was reflected back to him, and he was forced to admit its condescension. "Very well, Rin. Let us talk about you. I have no intention of leaving you unfulfilled, even if I must withhold my seed from you."

"And what of your pleasure? What delight is there in a mate who denies the fulfillment of his desire?"

"Rin, what would you have me do?"

The open vulnerability of the question melted Rin's heart. There was promise here, and hope. In this territory, they were both equally inexperienced, and so she was equally capable of taking the lead. "I will find a way, my mate. Have confidence in me as I have in you. There must be ways that humans keep from becoming with-child. I will learn about those ways for us."

"You are a proud and obstinate creature, Rin."

"I learned it from my master." She smiled brightly and leaned up to kiss him warmly. He returned the kiss eagerly, taking control by weaving his fingers into her hair and parting her lips with his tongue. The embrace was itself a pact and expression of optimism for the future. Rin began to moan as the kiss deepened, and she felt the evidence of Sesshomaru's desire rise and press into her thigh.

She broke the kiss and pushed off of his lap with a grin. She stepped away to unfasten her robe and let it fall from her. Enjoying his gaze on her young body, she purred, "Right now, my master and my mate, I think it is time for you to 'mark' me anew." She sank to her hands and knees and arched her back. "But this time, at my request."

Sesshomaru rose in a flash. Her scent told him all he needed to know about her awareness of what she offered, her trust in him, and the height of her arousal. He stripped and brought his lissome body to cover hers, sliding his cool skin over her warmth and feeling her shudder beneath him. He pressed forward and slipped his shaft between her thighs but did not enter her. Instead, he brought his hand around to touch and tease her as he rubbed himself across and through her slick folds. She dropped her head fully forward, and the dog in him could not resist the temptation to nip at her exposed neck and shoulders.

"Claim me now," Rin begged in a husky voice that Sesshomaru barely recognized.

"You are mine," Sesshomaru proclaimed as he reared back and thrust home.

Rin was more than ready for him this time, full of confident love that could conquer all and a mature desire that had been tested and proved resilient and unquenchable. She arched her back further and drove her hips backward, matching Sesshomaru's power and spurring his need. The depth and angle of the thrusts, combined with his hand still toying with her wet, hardening bud, whipped her to a climax that was as overwhelming as it was sudden. Her quivering muscles drove Sesshomaru nearly to the edge after her, and he withdrew and stroked into his hand. He would not disgrace her as he had done before but would release onto the earth beside them.

Rin turned at his sudden withdrawal and crouched, like an animal, before him. Feeling both deliciously wanton and like the very goddess of desire that her daiyokai Lord deserved, she took his hard and sticky member into her mouth and sucked. He groaned and released his fist from around the shaft as she brought her small hands to take control. She caressed and urged him on, tasting her own sweet tang and his incomparable ghostly musk along the satin-smooth length of him. It was so exciting to have him once again in her control this way. It had been so long. He swelled within her mouth and throat, and she let her tongue swirl around him with each upstroke until she knew he could bear no more of the sweet torture. She increased her pace, and he unleashed with a glorious howl. The liquid torrent of his desire rushed down her throat and she swallowed every drop, then brought her lips up to be kissed, that he too might savor the richness of their combined tastes. He devoured her mouth hungrily as his body shook and a possessive growl lingered in his throat.

The two lay back in the grass, Rin wrapped in Sesshomaru's protective arm. The sun poured down its sweet warmth on them, and they basked as well in the glow of shared affection and commitment. The future no doubt held challenges, but it also held the promise of a love far greater than any challenge could withstand.

the end

Author's [Original] Note: It has been SO bittersweet finishing this final chapter. I do not want to end this story arc, for several reasons: first, I absolutely treasure the reviewers who've been encouraging me and praising the work and I don't want to lose you as readers; it's felt like a little community of supportive friends, truly [I miss this group and will miss the reviews I've necessarily taken down this night in order to put this up as a single chapter fic, but time moves on, eh?]. And second, I just hate good-byes—even happy endings are still little deaths, and I don't want to let my version of these characters go. sad sigh So. Please review, and let me know whether you're ready to let this rest and perhaps read some of my other work, and/or if I need to somehow find a way to keep them going by adding some new conflicts and challenges for them. (I don't do death or babies, please! Hmmm…maybe Rin needs to force a reconciliation between Sesshomaru and Inuyasha and it can make Sesshomaru insecure and jealous that she's putting so much energy in that direction? Or they have to rescue Jaken together and Sesshomaru has to see and admit that Rin is both an increasingly good fighter and increasingly in danger if she fights beside him? Or maybe Rin wakes up to discover that her bond with Sesshomaru has given her some hanyo type powers and he has to deal with her being hanyo and what it means to/for him? Oh, my mind is working feverishly! Can you tell I hate endings yet?!?) [_New Beginnings_ was my chosen path to have this little world not end.]


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